Reading time: About 5 minutes, 1100 words
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This issue is https://7forsunday.com/27
Scree
noun : an accumulation of loose stones or rocky debris lying on a slope or at the base of a hill or cliff.
Acceptance
The results of fully listening are profound and couldn’t be more relevant today in times of immense distractions and a world constantly in a rush: Others feel accepted.
They feel heard. They take their own words more seriously. By thinking out loud, they are discovering their own words and, by that, their own true selves.
~ Klaus Motoki Tonn from, Listening as an Act of Hospitality
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This article touches on a number of different things which are interesting about conversation. I was surprised to realize that despite its having several great quotes from famous authors, this bit from Tonn was the part I kept returning to. It’s just deposited quietly in the middle of the whole thing which made it all the more delightful to discover; if I’d only skimmed I’d surely have missed it.
Let’s be fair: In today’s world, no one actually listens and every thing is intentionally distracting as it clamors for our attention. That makes what should be the “simple” act of listening into something profound. I’ve encountered the effect Tonn’s highlighting many times. The more I listen, the more each guest seems to be on a journey of self-discovery. The more I implicitly promise not to interrupt them, the more confident becomes their self-exploration. And it’s made all the more special by their not expecting it.
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Tasks, broken
Just like with a real egg, you only have to damage the task’s exterior a little bit in order to transform it, to make it ready for step two, and it doesn’t particularly matter where on its surface you do that. As soon as the egg is cracked, it becomes a different object — one that tells you what to do with it.
~ David Cain from, How to Get Started When You Just Can’t Get Started
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Usually, I begin a task by envisioning what “done” looks like. It’s critical that I sit with that vision of done and be certain I want it in my life. I cannot do the majority of things I imagine tackling. Too often, my vision of done actually has me in a worse place: Becoming the sad maintainer of some complicated system is a common side effect of my imaginings.
If I’m buying into the vision though, there’s nothing like feeling you’ve taken a big bite out of the task. When working with others, I used to spend too much effort selling the vision. Which then leads to a lot of explanation of how we’ll get there. It turns out that if I’m supposed to be helping (or *gasp* leading) it’s better to get everyone involved doing. Doing something. Anything. Suddenly, it’s all hands on deck and we’re making light work out of the task. It’s much easier to course correct once we’re moving.
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Revelation with Evelyn Higgins
How can transformative personal experiences and advancements in addiction biology contribute to understanding and addressing addiction as a multifaceted issue?
From hiking across Spain to unraveling the biological roots of addiction, Evelyn Higgins reveals her personal and professional transformations.
You’re going to have three meetings along the way… You’re going to have a meeting with yourself. You’re going to have a meeting with the people that you meet along the way… And then your third meeting is going to be with God. And this was the kicker—he said, right now, you know exactly who you are; when you’re finished, you’ll be somebody completely different.
~ Evelyn Higgins, 5:20
Evelyn Higgins begins by sharing her transformative experience walking the Camino de Santiago, a 32-day journey across Spain that becomes a turning point in her life. Originally expecting to broadcast her radio show from the trail, she instead finds herself immersed in personal reflection, profound conversations with strangers, and spiritual exploration. On day twelve, a pivotal moment occurs when a priest mentions the “three meetings” she will encounter on her journey—with herself, others, and God—forever changing her perspective. This journey, undertaken at a turning point in her life, helps Evelyn gain a deeper understanding of her purpose, shifting how she approaches life and later influences her work.
The conversation shifts to Evelyn’s professional work with Wired For Addiction, where she applies genetic testing to understand and treat addiction and mental health disorders. She discusses the gap in current addiction treatment, which often neglects the biological components in favor of the psychosocial, and how her work seeks to identify 85 biomarkers linked to addiction. Highlighting the revolutionary nature of her research, Evelyn emphasizes the importance of addressing underlying physiological changes resulting from trauma and undiagnosed conditions. She also shares her passion for helping people understand their genetic predispositions to behaviors like addiction, offering a personalized approach to treatment that challenges conventional methods.
Takeaways
The Camino de Santiago experience — A 32-day journey becomes a personal transformation, providing insight into self, spirituality, and human connection.
The concept of the “three meetings” — Encounters with self, others, and God offer profound shifts in perspective and personal growth.
Taking risks to find purpose — Leaving behind daily responsibilities and routines can lead to unexpected discoveries and clarity of life’s path.
The impact of profound experiences on life and work — A significant journey or event can reshape personal views and directly influence professional focus and passions.
Genetic testing for addiction — Modern technology allows for the identification of genetic markers, offering a more personalized approach to addiction and mental health treatment.
The limitations of traditional addiction treatment — Current methods often overlook the biological aspects of addiction, focusing primarily on psychosocial factors.
The biological component of addiction — Acknowledgment that underlying genetic predispositions and physiological changes are crucial to understanding and addressing addiction effectively.
Trauma and undiagnosed conditions — Life experiences and unaddressed mental or physical health issues alter physiology and play a significant role in addictive behaviors.
The stigma around addiction — Outdated perceptions persist, viewing addiction as a moral flaw rather than a disease with biological underpinnings.
Multifaceted identities — Professionals can have multiple aspects of their identity that may not always be immediately visible or understood by others.
Personalized health strategies — Knowing one’s unique genetic predispositions can help inform better decisions regarding substance use and mental health management.
Importance of holistic understanding — Addressing physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual health is key to personal well-being and recovery.
Sharing and connection on life journeys — Conversations and deep exchanges with strangers on a shared journey can lead to mutual understanding and personal breakthroughs.
Reevaluating life’s direction — Milestones and transformative experiences can act as catalysts for reassessing one’s life purpose and future goals.
Resources
Wired For Addiction — A resource offering genetic testing to identify biomarkers related to addiction, substance abuse, and mental health disorders. Their goal is to address the biological components of addiction and provide personalized treatment options.
The Camino de Santiago — A renowned pilgrimage across Spain, traditionally beginning in France, offering a transformative walking experience for many travelers.
TEDx Talk by Evelyn Higgins — A talk that provides context for the creation of Wired For Addiction, discussing both the professional and personal motivations behind this work in addiction treatment. The talk can be viewed on the TEDx YouTube channel or via a search for Evelyn Higgins’ TEDx talk.
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho — A popular book that inspires many to pursue their personal journeys and quests, including the Camino de Santiago.
The Pyrenees Mountains — The mountain range that forms a natural border between France and Spain, marking the challenging start of the Camino de Santiago for many pilgrims.
(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)
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Elizabeth Cunningham | Self-Advocacy
On Castbox.fm — Elizabeth Cunningham | Self-Advocacy
What role does self-advocacy play in creating authentic and fulfilling relationships?
Self-advocacy is redefined as a cornerstone for personal and relational growth.
In advocating for your needs, you’re actually leading the way for the people that you serve to advocate for their needs.
~ Elizabeth Cunningham (4:15)
The conversation explores the concept of self-advocacy as a foundation for personal development and authentic relationships. It begins with reflections on the openness of participants at the Art of Retreat and transitions into how self-advocacy is an overlooked cornerstone in personal and professional life. Elizabeth emphasizes that advocating for one’s own needs fosters not only personal growth but also serves as an example for others, countering the misconception that self-advocacy is selfish.
Another focal point is the journey toward self-awareness and identifying areas where needs are unmet. This includes helping individuals recognize patterns of self-sacrifice and enabling them to understand the importance of prioritizing their own well-being. Elizabeth highlights the challenge of meeting people where they are without pushing solutions onto them, stressing the importance of cultivating genuine curiosity and allowing others to arrive at their realizations.
Takeaways
Self-advocacy — A foundational principle for personal and relational growth.
Self-awareness — Begins by identifying where personal needs are unmet or ignored.
Community dynamics — Movement and service-based communities often prioritize others at their own expense.
Leadership in needs — Advocating for personal needs models the behavior for others.
Coaching strategies — Effective coaching meets people where they are and avoids imposing solutions.
Cultural openness — Environments like retreats foster unique receptivity to self-growth ideas.
Intersection of service and self-care — Balancing helping others with self-prioritization creates a sustainable cycle of compassion.
Resources
Elizabeth Cunningham’s Linktree — Provides access to her all of her coaching services and work.
(Written with help from Chat-GPT)
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Open with Tom Huntington
What are the key principles and ideas behind the “Open and Curious” project, and how do they apply to fostering meaningful conversations and personal growth?
Explore how curiosity, complexity, and personal growth intersect in the journey of crafting conversations and podcasts.
But a lot of us get this memo—who didn’t get it early in life—begin to get it in middle age. I’ve never had this thought before, but the middle age thing… what [our culture calls] the midlife crisis. Well the midlife crisis is really getting […] I’m not supposed to keep trying to be perfect.
~ Tom Huntington (5:11)
Craig and Tom engage in a thoughtful conversation about curiosity, control, and personal growth, touching on how these ideas intersect with podcasting and everyday life. Tom expresses his excitement about Craig’s project, Open and Curious, seeing it as a principle of life and an approach to understanding healthy human nature. They discuss the tension between trying to control outcomes, especially in conversations and creative work, and allowing curiosity to guide the process. Craig reflects on how developing curiosity can help podcasters move conversations in meaningful directions without forcing control, while Tom emphasizes the importance of being open without slipping into chaos.
Another theme is the challenge of balance in life and learning. Tom shares his personal experience of trying to manage too many ideas, leading to a feeling of being out of balance, and describes the importance of self-awareness in recognizing the problem as internal rather than external. They also touch on midlife revelations, where people begin questioning the pursuit of perfection and the pressures of society. Tom’s reflections on mental health and how openness affects both individual growth and relationships add depth to the discussion, bringing in insights from neuroscience and attachment theory.
Takeaways
The power of curiosity — developing curiosity can guide conversations and lead to meaningful outcomes without needing control.
The balance between openness and chaos — being too open can lead to chaos, while too much rigidity can stifle growth and learning.
The challenge of midlife revelations — midlife often brings a realization that the pursuit of perfection is futile, prompting a shift in perspective.
Learning from self-awareness — recognizing that certain recurring problems are internal, rather than blaming external factors, is key to personal growth.
Curiosity in podcasting — allowing curiosity to shape the direction of conversations can lead to natural, engaging dialogues, especially in creative projects.
The role of self-compassion — focusing on what was done well, rather than dwelling on past mistakes, fosters a healthier mindset.
Managing too many ideas — having too many ideas can lead to overwhelm, and it’s important to prioritize and recognize when to set things aside.
Mental health and openness — staying open to learning and new experiences is crucial for mental health, but must be balanced to avoid overwhelming chaos.
Attachment theory in growth — understanding how relationships and brain science intersect offers valuable insight into personal development and mental health.
Resources
The Developing Mind — a book by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel that explores how relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are, drawing on neuroscience and attachment theory.
Open and Curious — a project focusing on curiosity, conversation, and personal growth, discussed extensively throughout the conversation.
Podcaster Community — a community for independent podcasters where ideas like Open and Curious are shared and discussed.
(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)
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Ya big softie
Maybe I’m just a big sentimental softie, but I bet if you peer deep into your past, you don’t see a list of names, dates, and places. Instead, I bet you get a hodgepodge of images and events, and I bet that some of the details are hazy or mixed up, like who was there, what they were wearing, or whether it happened when you were six or when you were eight. But I bet the feelings are clear. You’re probably not confused about whether you felt proud or afraid, welcomed or rejected. And I bet that although you could describe these memories to me—a golden-hued day at the zoo, the last fight your parents had before they got divorced—the words would leave a lot out. To really get me to understand, you’d need to hook your brain up to mine, Avatar-style, so I could feel what you felt.
~ Adam Mastroianni from, You’ll forget most of what you learn. What should you do about that?
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Mastroianni’s article is about learning. In particular, how and why and when we forget, and what might we try to do about that fact. I go through cycles of grasping at trying to remember, and leaning into the forgetting. At the end, I expect I’ll forget everything. (Just sayin’.)
My life improves when I realize that my happiness is relative to where I set my sights. If my goal is to remember as much as possible, I’m going to fall short and be disappointed. If my goal is to be pleasantly surprised when I’m reminded of things (experiences, ideas from others, and my own ideas) which I had already discovered, then that suggests a different course of action. Rather than strain to hold on to everything, I try to release everything from within my mind, and try arrange the world around me to bring me joy.
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How does this even exist?
In fact, now I’m wondering if that’s one way you know something is great? When you say: “How does this even exist?”
~ Austin Kleon from, The making of Lilo & Stitch
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Yes, that’s definitely one way.
In about ten weeks I’m making my annual journey to Boston and neighboring Somerville for a parkour event. Much has changed over the years I’ve been going. It’s moved from Septembers to Junes. The size has waxed and waned. A few of the same people are usually there, and there is an endless banquet of new forever-friends.
If you get into doing this thing, and you start going to play and train with others, you soon have a very unusual problem: The more you run into a particular someone, the more it happens in different places. You start to have this precious view of who this person is separated from where that person normally is. Sometimes you know someone well, but have no idea where you know them from. It’s weird. It’s awesome. How does this even exist?
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April 02, 2023 — #26
Reading time: About 4 minutes, 900 words
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This issue is https://7forsunday.com/26
A glimpse
The best way to get a vivid impression and feeling of a landscape, is to sit down before it and read, or become otherwise absorbed in thought; for then, when your eyes happen to be attracted to the landscape, you seem to catch Nature unawares, and see her before she has time to change her aspect. The effect lasts but for a single instant, and passes away almost as soon as you are conscious of it; but it is real, for that moment. It is as if you could overhear and understand what the trees are whispering to one another; as if you caught a glimpse of a face unveiled, which veils itself from every willful glance. The mystery is revealed, and after a breath or two, becomes just as great a mystery as before.
~ Nathaniel Hawthorne from, Nathaniel Hawthorne on How to Look and Really See
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*sigh* Some people can write.
There’s a practice to reaching that effect. At first, I couldn’t pull it off. After much practice, I can now arrive at this state quite regularly. Alas, at no time have I ever imagined as delightful a description as Hawthorne’s. The interesting part of the effect—at least, the effect I’m experiencing—is that it is quite clearly me that is different. Our brains are powerful filters; salient is how we describe that which our brains admit. In experiencing this effect, it feels like the salience filter is transparent… as if, instead of feeling swamped by sensory input, the window to the world is momentarily perfectly clear.
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Bitter or better?
The Stoics would agree that the world can be ugly and awful and disappointing. They would just remind us that what we control is what we do about this. We control what difference we try to make. We control whether it makes us bitter or makes us better—whether we complain or just get to work.
~ Ryan Holiday from, Why I Pick up Trash at the Beach
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My grasp is failing. My ability to keep track of this, and make a plan for organizing that, is waning. Each year I more quickly become frustrated at unforeseen twists and foreseen complexities. Believing I’m successfully juggling just two things, I’m surprised to discover one has already hit the floor. I’ve moved beyond having a to-do list long enough that many items are below the fold; the regularity of adding items near the top means the items below the fold will never get done. Instead, I have multiple systems piled up in sedimentary fashion. Entire segments of my life, which I thought were integral to my identity, have fallen below the fold.
And every day my life gets better. I wish I’d learned the lesson sooner.
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Why aren’t you working on that?
Richard Hamming was a mathematician who worked at Bell Labs during the 1940s-1970s. He had a habit of sitting down with scientists in other fields and asking them “What are the important problems of your field?” After they explained their field’s most important open problem, he would ask them: why aren’t you working on that?
~ “CFAR!Duncan” from, Appendix
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Ouch! I wonder if Hamming got punched in the face a lot? That’s a link to an appendix that doesn’t have an attributed person as the author. But if you can see past all that, it’s a series of eight prompts which really cut through my bullshit. “Why am I not working on that?” …well, actually, I am trying to work on that. Unfortunately, I’m also dividing my efforts in too many other directions simultaneously.
Maybe that’s just me though?
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Fragmentary
The paragraph above has a topic sentence, then three fragments. Yes, fragments. Like this and the one before it. A fragment is a non-sentence; it does not have a subject and main verb. Students are taught that fragments are errors. Hogwash! Writers use fragments all the time. Your English teacher may not like it and the college admissions office may not either. But, learn to use the fragment.
~ Mylinh Shattan, from The Sentence Fragment
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Shattan is writing about writing, and mentions how sentence fragments can hold imagery. I’ve been wondering if this isn’t a critical skill for spoken conversation. Speaking a fragment feels like throwing up a sign post: “Exampleville 15” is helpful in that it gives a definite distance. Deep in a conversation, if I drop in a fragment, it can be a way to indicate I think we’re headed somewhere in particular; fragments can check that are trains of thought still match. Fragments dropped into conversation make sense—like inside jokes—because we’re both on the same journey.
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March 26, 2023 — #25
Reading time: About 5 minutes, 1000 words
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This issue is https://7forsunday.com/25
It’s all problems
Spearman was right that people differ in their ability to solve well-defined problems. But he was wrong that well-defined problems are the only kind of problems. “Why can’t I find someone to spend my life with?” “Should I be a dentist or a dancer?” and “How do I get my child to stop crying?” are all important but poorly defined problems. “How can we all get along?” is not a multiple-choice question. Neither is “What do I do when my parents get old?” And getting better at rotating shapes or remembering state capitols is not going to help you solve them.
~ Adam Mastroianni from, Why aren’t smart people happier?
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I’m left wondering if the very intelligent are those who can figure out if a problem is, or is not, well-defined. I blast through all sort of work—well-defined problems in Mastroianni’s article—but it doesn’t seem to fulfill me. As soon as I know the problem is well-defined, I lose interest. As soon as I can see a path provided by a solution, I lose interest. Sometimes, I go through the steps to actually do the work. But mostly I just lose interest as soon as know how it would be done.
All of which makes for a vicious cycle: my ability to generate work vastly outstrips my ability to do that work. And I feel the weight of guilt for not doing that work which I feel should be done.
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Get to the point
Perhaps the most critical communication skill. Be brief. Use as few words as possible to say what you need, and everyone will appreciate it.
~ Morgan Housel, from Rare Skills
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I’m aware that my blog posts, and the weekly 7 for Sunday email derived from them, are often a rambling mess of garage-door-up thinking. I do edit. The key thing that I’m trying to do is to integrate ideas into what I already know, to see what new connections and new ideas I might find. So this post is not at all about telling you, Dear Reader, how to get to the point or even how important it is to get to the point. In fact, I don’t have a point (in this post in particular, and also generally.) Most of the time, if I reach the end of the post and discover I do in fact have a point… well, that’s terrific. I feel it would be cheating to then cover up my work by editing the thing to get more directly to the point.
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There is purpose to existence
People should not look at their approaching golden years with dread or apprehension but as perhaps one of the most significant stages in their development as a human being, even during these turbulent times. For me, old age has been a renaissance despite the tragedies of losing my beloved wife and son. It’s why the greatest error anyone can make is to assume that, because an elderly person is in a wheelchair or speaks with quiet deliberation, they have nothing important to contribute to society. It is equally important to not say to yourself if you are in the bloom of youth: “I’d rather be dead than live like that.” As long as there is sentience and an ability to be loved and show love, there is purpose to existence.
~ Harry Leslie Smith, from Don’t dread old age…
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“Quiet deliberation,” indeed. I find myself increasingly in that state, (although I am still too–often found in the state of denial.) During interpersonal situations, I find myself thinking: “What could I say here that would actually be useful?” and coming up with “nothing” as my answer I’m left to choose between contributing silence, or contributing social lubrication. That’s a shift of intention which comes from decades of glacial movement towards true self-awareness. I believe it’s time yet again to reschedule my mid-life crisis; it seems I have some more thinking to do.
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Dump out the box
In the end, what matters is your lifestyle. The specifics of your work are important only in how they impact your daily experience. As I summarized, when choosing a career path: “Fix the lifestyle you want. Then work backwards from there.” This idea, which I dubbed lifestyle-centric career planning, subverted popular advice from that period which tended to emphasize the importance of passion and dream jobs. In this widely-accepted schema, the full responsibility for your ongoing satisfaction was offloaded to the minutia of your professional endeavors.
~ Cal Newport from, The Most Important Piece of Career Advice You Probably Never Heard
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Somewhere we each have a box full of specific things. I have a plastic storage tub full of electronic accessories—a spare hard drive, a spare ethernet switch, various cables, an extra mouse, the HDMI cable, and the power adapter for the rest of the world. As a kid, I had a huge styrofoam cooler (it’s a long story) full of Lego bricks and parts. I’m not talking about the proverbial “junk drawer.” I’m talking about a proverbial “box” into which we place specific things. My electronics accessories, my printing supplies, my rock climbing gear, and even all the bookcases considered as one “box.” It’s pretty obvious—I hope?—that since we’re continuously adding things to the boxes, we need to periodically “dump out” the box and cull. The cables that don’t fit anything we currently own… The books we didn’t like or enjoy… Every time I dump out some “box” and toss (or sell or donate etc.) some of the items, my life improves.
This morning I was thinking: When is the last time I dumped out my box of people? …my box of responsibilities? …my box of things I think I should do? …my box of dreams?
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March 19, 2023 — #24
Reading time: About 5 minutes, 1100 words
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This issue is https://7forsunday.com/24
I probably need to work on this
My life is always better when I treat myself as if I were someone I care about.
~ Hugh Hollowell from, «https://www.soverybeautiful.org/how-we-treat-ourselves/»
I’m really good at digging in and schlepping through the hard work. I’m really good at figuring out how to make three strange pieces fit together so these four people can make some progress on those five incompatible goals. Lift heavy things. Break a sweat. Get shit done. Go above and beyond. Get this letter to Garcia. Abuse English.
Know what I suck at? Treating myself as if I were someone I care about. Can I say, “no, thank you,” to some opportunity because I’m already overwhelmed? Can I take a nap in my hammock, without first spending significant time weighing the merits of giving in to passing out from exhaustion, versus just. work. a little. more. Can I choose to go do that fun thing with my friends, when my weekly plan says I should get some peak heart-rate workout time today? I’m often heard preaching about self-care, taking time to look back and think, “if this isn’t nice…” but, can I actually do those things?
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