The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.
~ Alice Walker
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Author: Craig Constantine
Power
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.
~ Alice Walker
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Since I’m guilty of this, I often try to catch myself having power. One way I do this is to journal; If I write down, “Yesterday I did these 12 things, and people said such-and-so about my having helped them,” that’s glaring evidence that I’ve affected the world by exercising my power.
Another way I try to catch myself is to zoom farther out and look for longer-term successes. So if—for example, just sayin’, askin’ for a friend—one feels they cannot affect change in the world, but the evidence after 7 months is that one created the spark that ignited a community… well, maybe I—err, not me, my friend should stop thinking they have no power.
And instead start asking: What could I do in the next 5 minutes?
My answer: I could write one blog post which might inspire someone else!
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Framed dialogs
And I mean dialog which is set up with certain agreed-upon concepts and boundaries, not literally framed for hanging on a wall.
A while back—January 4th, 2021 to be specific—I made some notes about an idea tickling my brain. I had had a conversation with two people. We had decided to get together to talk about… something. I’m not sure what. It probably was something like:
I feel like I need to talk to someone. But, I’m in this place where too many people—basically, all the people I regularly interact with—see me in a certain way. They know me in a certain context. Anything I say or do, they evaluate it as a continuation of what they know about me. That’s not a criticism of them, but simply a statement of reality.
…something like that. Not saying that’s it exactly. I’m asking for a friend. ahem.
We three hopped on a call and it didn’t really go well. We didn’t have an agenda, (which was probably a good thing). But also, we didn’t have a purpose nor clear idea of why we wanted to have the conversation. We expended an hour, (of our expected 694,700 total available,) shrugged, and moved on with our day. After my mind moved on from the experience, when I returned to thinking about the tickling idea, and the conversation, somehow I felt like the conversation had been useful. So in hindsight, it felt like the conversation was much closer to being useful, then I thought it was in the moment.
Since I’m generally interested in conversation, I scratched some notes—as I mentioned, in January a year ago—about what I thought might have been the magic: Time limit, ephemeral, minimal structure, and anticipation. Those four properties seem to be the essentials for my having felt the conversation was useful in hindsight. This isn’t about “talk therapy.” But, somehow, those features (which would be a part of a talk-therapy session) still facilitate… something.
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Slide easily
There are two ways to slide easily through life: Namely, to believe everything, or to doubt everything; Both ways save us from thinking.
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Sliding without thinking
There are two ways to slide easily through life: Namely, to believe everything, or to doubt everything; Both ways save us from thinking.
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Recently I’ve noticed several conversations where the topic of extremes has come up. I’m not certain this is new, only that my noticing it is new. The idea that we each fall somewhere on the spectrum of whatever-it-is we care to talk about is not new. And I’m absolutely not implying that moderation is always better; It is not necessarily true that the correct viewpoint is towards the middle.
What I am saying—what I’ve been recently noticing—is that the people towards the ends of the spectrum of whatever topic you care to consider are the louder people. There’s always a majority of people between the extremes, who aren’t as vocal. (Who don’t speak, write, nor post as much as those toward the extremes. “Fool and fanatics” as it were.
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Failing to consider
Failing to consider second- and third-order consequences is the cause of a lot of painfully bad decisions, and it is especially deadly when the fist inferior option confirms your own biases. Never seize on the first available option, no matter how good it seems, before you’ve asked questions and explored.
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The Long Tail
Forget squeezing millions from a few megahits at the top of the charts. The future of entertainment is in the millions of niche markets at the shallow end of the bitstream.
~ Chris Anderson, from The Long Tail
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There are certain pivotal works in any field. If your work, or your business, is online. This is a work you should read. It would be better if you read it when it came out, back in 2004. But, at least you can read it now so you understand where the idea of the “long tail” originated.
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Contact with Nika Jankovic
What is the relationship between physical movement practices like floor work, yoga, and breath, and how do these practices influence personal growth and teaching methods?
Discover how confronting the hardness of the floor can transform both physical practice and personal resilience.
You want to be friends with the floor. You wanna caress the floor, you wanna melt into the floor. There’s always you in relation to this thing.
~ Nika Jankovic (2:42)
The conversation discusses the interplay between movement practices such as floor work, yoga, and dance. Floor work, described as forming a “relationship” with the ground, is explored as a practice that transforms how one interacts with space and movement. The connection between breath and movement in yoga is also highlighted, emphasizing how breath awareness influences other practices like dance.
Teaching and learning are recurring themes, as challenges in balancing simplicity with complexity for beginners are examined. The discussion touches on the teacher-student dynamic, emphasizing the necessity of full-circle growth to effectively communicate foundational skills. Personal reflections on the evolution of movement practices during times of isolation, reveal the adaptability required in both practice and teaching.
Takeaways
Building a relationship with the floor — The practice of floor work invites practitioners to engage deeply with their physical surroundings.
Breath as a foundation — Yoga emphasizes starting with breath, which can then inform and transform physical movement practices.
Adaptability in teaching — Teaching movement requires a balance between simplifying for beginners and maintaining respect for the complexity of foundational skills.
The teacher-student connection — Effective teaching involves understanding the readiness of students and the teacher’s own readiness to guide.
Resilience through movement — The physical challenges of practicing on hard surfaces build resilience and deeper connections to the practice.
Evolution of practice — External circumstances, like the COVID-19 pandemic, reshape how and where movement practices are performed.
Personal growth in teaching — Revisiting foundational skills allows both teacher and student to grow and understand movement more fully.
Resources
Yoga — A discipline focusing on breath and movement, often used as a foundation for meditation and physical practice.
Floor work — A style of movement rooted in ground-based interaction, as discussed in contemporary dance and movement contexts.
Shavasana (Corpse Pose) — A yoga pose emphasizing stillness and melting into the floor.
Online group sessions — Movement and dance practice sessions held virtually to foster community and learning.
Tai Chi — Mentioned as a transformative movement practice offering new perspectives on body and breath.
(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)
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Diligence, energy, patience
If you do the job in a principiled way, with diligence, energy and patience, if you keep yourself free of distractions, and keep the spirit inside you undamaged, as if you might have to give it back at any moment— If you can embrace this without fear or expectation— can find fulfillment in what you’re doing now, as Nature intended, and in superhuman truthfullness (every word, every utterance)— Then your life will be happy. No one can prevent that.
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Oxytocin
“We often see it discussed in relation to attachment and social-related behaviors, including empathy and bonding,” says Lily Brown, PhD, Director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania. But it’s a lot more than a fleeting chemical high. Oxytocin is a hormone that functions as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It’s thought to be a driving force behind attraction and caregiving, and even controls key aspects of the reproductive system, childbirth, and lactation.
~ Alexandra Owens, from Tell Me All I Need to Know About Oxytocin
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I regularly have conversations with people. I am fascinated by how the privacy, exclusivity of attention, and close proximity of a good conversation works. There’s magic— deep seated, ancient, evolution-driven, psychological and biological affects—in a good conversation.
The other day, I stumbled over a post mentioning the hormone Oxytocin being produced by eye contact. I wanted to leave a link for myself, and perhaps you’d be interested too.
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Engaging with Nikki Lerner
How do personal and professional experiences influence the creation and impact of a podcast?
The intersection of public speaking, coaching, and podcasting reveals unexpected insights into connection and authenticity.
I almost feel like that crowd of people is always with me…while I am also carrying a community, if you will, or a sense of community that is bigger than me.
~ Nikki Lerner (2:20)
The conversation explores how experiences as a public speaker and minister have influenced the transition to podcasting. Nikki reflects on how addressing a live audience of thousands contrasts with the intimacy of podcasting, where speaking directly to one imagined listener fosters deeper connections. The sense of community created through both mediums is central, as is the challenge of conveying authenticity and vulnerability through audio.
The discussion also highlights the practical and emotional challenges of podcasting, from overcoming perfectionism to embracing the iterative process of creating content. Insights from a coaching relationship inspire the speaker to launch their podcast, emphasizing the significance of consistency and self-acceptance. Stories of audience impact demonstrate how podcasts can serve as valuable resources and tools for building relationships and fostering engagement.
Takeaways
The transition from live speaking to podcasting highlights the shift from broad communication to intimate connection.
The iterative process of podcasting fosters personal growth and message refinement.
Coaching conversations can provide pivotal encouragement to overcome perfectionism and take action.
The longevity of podcast episodes creates opportunities for sustained and unexpected listener impact.
Authenticity in audio conveys nuances that are difficult to replicate in writing.
Podcasting serves as a resource for professional practice and client engagement.
Listeners value content authenticity far more than technical perfection.
Creating generously allows the audience to connect with and derive meaning from the work.
Resources
Varian Brandon – A mentor whose impactful podcast series “Becoming” discusses personal growth and engaging one’s environment.
Mr. Rogers Movie – Referenced in the context of an impactful culture-related story shared on the podcast.
Scott Perry – A coach whose guidance encouraged the podcast launch.
Nikki Lerner’s web site — including links to her podcast, Culture Coach
(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)
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I matter
That I matter, that my life demands the ceaseless attention I give it, is exactly what those genes would have any organism believeing, if that organism was evolved enough for belief. The will to survive evolves, in a higher creature like us, into the will to matter.
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Our feelings
Our feelings aren’t the problem. It’s our relationship to them.
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Consistent, Current and Context-driven
The podcast episode, Consistent, Current and Context-driven, is a scant 5 minutes and 43 seconds long. You’ll probably want to pause and take some notes. After it widens your eyes, go revisit your copy of Getting Things Done—or omgbecky buy a copy, …how do you not own a copy?
Everything I have ever accomplished is because I have systems within which I can think and operate; our brains are for having ideas, not for remembering things [such as: to-do lists, dates, reminders, etc.]
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Questions with Joe Boyle
How do individuals decide what to share with others, and what strategies are effective for meaningful communication?
The conversation explores the interplay between offering help and withholding it to foster personal growth.
Anything that, sort of, gets you out of the rigidity of pattern is what lights you up.
~ Joe Boyle (17:50)
The conversation explores the complexity of communication, focusing on the tension between offering and withholding help. It examines whether sharing insights is always beneficial or if the onus lies on others to ask for guidance. This perspective ties into the idea that readiness and willingness to seek knowledge often dictate the effectiveness of learning.
The discussion transitions into topics of self-reflection and change, emphasizing how beliefs are often challenged in specific contexts rather than in abstract terms. It also touches on the importance of balance—between consuming information and creating opportunities for others to learn through subtle cues or “Easter eggs.” Personal practices, such as quieting the mind to enhance focus and creativity, are highlighted as valuable tools for personal growth.
Takeaways
Readiness to inquire — Personal growth often requires individuals to take the initiative to ask questions.
Sharing versus withholding — The decision to share knowledge or insights depends on the readiness and openness of the recipient.
Role of failure — Failure is a critical component of the learning process.
Balancing consumption and creation — Leaving subtle hints or “Easter eggs” can foster meaningful exchanges without overwhelming others.
Reframing the urge to help — Changing the motivation behind sharing from seeking approval to genuinely fostering others’ growth.
Rigidity and creativity — Breaking out of patterns can reignite energy and inspiration.
Self-assessment through beliefs — Challenging one’s beliefs can be a tool for intellectual and personal growth.
Mindfulness in decisions — A quiet mind enables better decisions and creativity.
Resources
David Belle — Reference to a story involving him and his father Raymond, emphasizing the importance of asking questions to gain insights.
Edo Portal — Mentioned as a source of inspiration or guidance in certain contexts.
(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)
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Attitude
Attitude puts apptitude on steroids. Attitude is the soft stuff, but when the chips are down, as they so often are, it’s the soft stuff that often counts.
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Safety netting
I spend a lot of time trying to imagine people’s experiences of things I create. Partly that happens as a direct result of my having empathy and being compassionate—once you start, you can’t stop. (“My mission is creating better conversations to spread understanding and compassion.”) Sometimes my efforts pay off big with a blinding flash of clarity.
I’m regularly doing outreach to people who know me well, a little, or often not-at-all. I’m inviting someone to join me, for a recording of a conversation… which I’m going to immediately publish, without editing. It turns out that scares the crap out of most people. (Are your palms sweating just thinking about it?)
Well, I solved that problem a while ago: When we’re chatting, before we start recording, I explain there’s a safety net. They get the option to veto. I explain that after we stop recording, I will ask them if they’re okay with what we recorded. If they’re not happy, it just gets deleted. And I’ll still be happy because the conversation we had becomes that much more special because I got to experience something that no one else will ever hear.
Today it occurred to me that I should explain that even farther up front. Like right up front on the invitation page that I send people to. If your palms were sweating up there, thinking about being recorded, consider this…
Safety net
After we stop recording, you decide if I publish it. Seriously. You get a big, safe, veto option. Published or vetoed, I’ll still be glad we had a chance to have a cool conversation.
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The analysis part
Writing itself makes you realize where there are holes in things. I’m never sure what I think until I see what I write. And so I believe that, even though you’re an optimist, the analysis part of you kicks in when you sit down to construct a story or a paragraph or a sentence. You think, ‘Oh, that can’t be right.’ And you have to go back, and you have to rethink it all.
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Travel lightly
What if, instead, we could be flexible and travel through life lightly, flowing with changes?
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You should interpret that sentence both in the physically traveling without too much physical stuff, and in the sense of traveling without too much mental baggage.
Traveling lightly—both without physical stuff and without mental baggage—will serve you well. Over the years, I’ve tried to explain my thinking around these points via blog posts: One series on physical practicalities and tips is, Travel Gear. And, another series about the mindset of traveling is called, Parkour Travel.
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Anything at all
It would be wrong for anything to stand between you and attaining goodness—as a rational being and a citizen. Anything at all: the applaus of the crowd, high office, wealth, or self-indulgence. All of them might seem to be compatible with it—for a while. But suddenly they control us and sweep us away.
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