Expressing gratitude

What if you, whenever people did good stuff for you, you let them know they had a positive effect on you? You might have to come up with a unique way of saying it if you want to make explicit that you aren’t saying “I owe you”. We’ll leave that as an exercise to the reader.  

~ J. Hazard from, Magic is Dead, Give me Attention — LessWrong

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Somewhen around 2005 was the trough of my expression of gratitude. Having now spent increasing time with this radical new notion of “expressing gratitude” I can say for sure… that I really need to keep working on it.

I’ve been stingy with positive reinforcement for a loong time. As I’ve begun to explicitly practice the habit of expressing gratitude, externally to other people, the results have been obvious and beneficial. My current intention is work on lowering my resistence to expressing gratitude. The most recent way I’ve been reinforcing the habit is to hold in mind a common mantra which I’ve repurposed: If you see something, say something.

I’ve found three ways that I’ve been practicing expressing more gratitude. There are others, obviously, but these are the three I’m currently practicing.

The first way plays out in direct conversation. While discussing one topic, my mind produces a tangential thought about something positive this person did on some unrelated topic. Spurred on by, “if I see something, say something,” the practice is then to mention that positive, tangential thing at the next opportunity in the conversation. Loong ago, I’d have let those tangential thoughts go by, not wanting to interrupt our discussion.

In short: Simply express gratitude now.

The second way is more subtle. Since those random thoughts of gratitude-moments-past are coming up today, I didn’t notice them in the past, or I suppressed expressing them in the moment. This reminds me to be more vigilant looking for the opportunities to express gratitude.

In short: Get better at noticing opportunities to express gratitude in the current moment.

The third way is to make a conscious effort to go looking for missed opportunites to express gratitude. If I have a meeting planned with someone, when I’m preparing I can make the small effort to think of a few opportunities I’ve missed.

In short: Practice actively looking for opportunities to express gratitude.

tl;dr: Duh, Craig. Simply express gratitude.

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Reading is a superpower

The genuine love for reading itself, when cultivated, is a superpower. We live in the age of Alexandria, when every book and every piece of knowledge ever written down is a fingertip away. The means of learning are abundant—it’s the desire to learn that’s scarce. Cultivate that desire by reading what you want, not what you’re “supposed to.”

~ Naval Ravikant

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Are you part of the solution?

If you’re not the customer, you’re the product.

~ Seth Godin, from What’s the next step for media (and for us)? | Seth’s Blog

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This rant from Seth is a couple years old, but it remains as important as ever.

I talk often about the problems with social networks. But what I’m particularly interested in is what, (if anything,) actually works to change people’s minds. I bet you can guess what works: Basically, nothing works.

I wasted a lot of time trying to explain the problems with social networks using facts and rational arguments. You know how far I got with that. One day, I stopped trying to educate and explain, and started trying to plant seeds. Little seeds of inquisition. Little seeds of self-awareness.

How do you feel when you are not on that social network?

And how do you feel after it ate your face for 2 hours?

Do you like the way you look, all hunched over with spine twisted and your face completely facing the ground?

Could you make progress on your dream if you could just find 10 hours of time a week? (As if you only spent 10 hours on social networks this week.)

Hold your phone facing you at arms length. Look just to one side and notice the actual amount of your immediate world which it occupies. How do you feel about only living within that small fraction of your world?

Visualize your death bed. (Go ahead. I’ll wait.) Now begin to list your imagined regrets as you lay dying. (Seriously. I’ll wait.) Which items on your list were related, in any way, to online social networks?

You have Seth’s thoughts. You now have my thoughts. Do you have any thoughts of your own?

Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?

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Waiting for the next one

What, I can experience an entire trip to the mall without sighing, grimacing or silently cursing? I can sit through an entire red light without fidgeting? I can make (or miss) my connecting flight without losing my shit even once? Can I live my whole life this way?

We can, if we’re willing to give time, as a habit. Nothing else makes sense really—it’s just experimenting with a willingness to live in reality as though there’s nowhere else to be. (Not that there ever was.)

~ David Cain, from How to Be Patient

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Occassionally I get the urge to attend a week-long, silent meditation retreat. (For example, https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vipassanā retreats.)

Why?

Because sometimes I experience small periods of blissful serenity. I’d particularly like to be able to go there on a more regular basis. It seems to me that spending about 10 days doing nothing but meditating in silence would be a delightfully mind-altering experience.

Rarely, but with increasing frequency, I find myself enjoying sitting pefectly still. Doing perfectly nothing. Paying attention to the moment instead of being completely obliterated by an endless torrent of thoughts. Eventually a thought which I deem worthy enough arises urging me to go do this, or check on that, and I rise from my glimpse of serenity.

I always wonder what would happen if I just kept thinking: That’s not quite worth getting up for just now, I’ll wait for the next thought.

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Charlotte Miles: Motivation, emotional recovery, and purpose

What motivates someone to engage deeply in coaching, creativity, and physical training, and how do personal struggles and life experiences shape this engagement?

Charlotte Miles shares her motivations for coaching, why it’s important to her, and how it fits into her life. She digs into more difficult topics; energy and emotional recovery, personal struggles, and her experiences with mortality and grief. Charlotte discusses how parkour affects her life, her definition of success, and finishes with real life superpowers and finding purpose.

Being strong, there is no frame of reference for that. There’s no ‘I once was’ and so there’s no return. It’s a completely new thing. It’s a blank canvas. And that can be as scary as it is exciting.

~ Charlotte Miles (15:00)

Charlotte discusses her work as a coach, filmmaker, and movement enthusiast, reflecting on how physical training intersects with personal growth. She describes parkour as a therapeutic practice that forces her to confront fear and emotional barriers, emphasizing that her biggest obstacles are often mental rather than physical. Charlotte highlights the unique space women occupy in strength and conditioning and the importance of encouraging curiosity and strength in female athletes.

A significant part of the conversation explores mortality and how Charlotte’s personal experiences with loss shape her sense of urgency and purpose. She shares how storytelling and coaching allow her to uncover powerful messages within others and transform them into impactful narratives. Charlotte speaks candidly about balancing her intense work ethic with the need for rest, acknowledging the challenges of being emotionally open and the importance of staying present.

Takeaways

Training and curiosity — Emphasizing curiosity over performance allows for personal growth and encourages women to explore their physical potential.

Mortality and urgency — Experiencing loss reshapes priorities, fostering a mindset that values immediacy and essential tasks.

Storytelling as impact — Creating resonant, emotional stories can drive deeper personal and societal change than surface-level entertainment.

Fear in parkour — Mental barriers often limit physical capability, with parkour acting as a mirror to confront deeper personal fears.

Coaching intensity — Leading others into intense physical and emotional spaces requires equal responsibility to bring them back to stability.

Self-awareness and solitude — Balancing energy through solitude and movement helps manage the emotional demands of coaching and creative work.

Resources

Iron Heart Studios — Charlotte Miles’ media company focused on storytelling and film production.

Parkour Generations — Organization where Charlotte manages creative direction and media.

Barbell Shrugged — Podcast and strength and conditioning brand Charlotte collaborated with.

Going Right — Logan Gelbrich’s’ book on pursuing passion and purpose over conventional paths.

Women’s International Parkour Weekend (WIPW) — An event focusing on women in parkour and strength training.

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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Real satisfaction

Real work and real satisfaction come from the opposite of what the web provides. They come from going deep into something—the book you’re writing, the album, the movie—and staying there for a long, long time.

~ Steven Pressfield

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How do you create culture?

I’ve become increasingly interested in how culture is created within teams. One part is clearly modeling the behavior one wants to see. But I’ve been spending time thinking about how I talk to others about goals, challenges and setbacks. The more I look, the more I see I’m faced with so many interwoven elements: Communication—synchronous, asynchronous, mixed?; Feedback—positive, negative, immediate, delayed, public, private; Goal setting—team, individual, conservative, challenging, insane; Growth; Trust; Shared vision; Shared mission; Morals …

I find myself focusing almost entirely on communication. I try to spend as much time as possible explaining what I’m thinking and what my goals and visions are. At the sametime, the better I get at asking questions, the better I get at understanding what’s going on. There’s a balance. Too little conveying of direct instruction and concrete goals leaves some people struggling to grow. The opposite is also true; Too much and some people are stiffled.

“Curiouser and curiouser,” said Alice.

So what’s a question you ask your teammates that has led to surprising insights?

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Change is not a commodity

[C]hange does not take technology, it takes courage. And, this is why change is not a commodity. Change is not easy nor is it formulaic. But I can say this with the utmost conviction, change is inevitable and it is yours to define.

~ Brian Solis, from «https://www.gapingvoid.com/blog/2012/03/28/it-takes-courage/»

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If you want to affect change you must first understand which sorts of changes are difficult and why.

On the one hand, things change all the time. A great definition of “old age” is when you begin to lament the inevitable changes to the specific things you prefer in your supermarket. On the other hand, affecting a change that you desire feels extremely difficult. (Go try to bring back your favorite brand of mustard after the manufacturer has discontinued it.)

On the one hand, there’s a huge array of things I can change easily: My shirt, the book I’m reading, and the lane I’m driving in. On the other hand I quite honestly struggle changing my physical body, my bad habits, and my addictions.

On the one hand, changing thousands of minds at once is easy: Give me a few orange cones and I can make everyone change their mind about always driving on the correct side of the road. On the other hand, it seems impossible to get people to do the correct thing, when they are waiting to turn left at a two-way stop sign, and I arrive opposite them intending to go straight.

On the one hand, millions of people have been convinced to spend their time on social networks. On the other hand, try convincing just one of them to disconnect.

Sometimes a piece of technology is enough to change everything and everyone. Sometimes no piece of technology seems powerful enough to get it done. Sometimes a tiny idea spreads like wildfire, and sometimes the mindless mob wins. Sometimes people are swayed by emotion, and sometimes they make choices based on logic. Sometimes change is objectively good, sometimes it’s objectively bad, and sometimes it seems too complicated to decide.

The important question is: What sort of change do you want to attempt?

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§22 – The forty-eight other guys

This entry is part 34 of 37 in the series Study inspired by Pakour & Art du Déplacement by V. Thibault

Understanding community has always been a challenge for me. The first key understanding was that “community” is just an abstract concept; A community does not exist in the world as a concrete thing I can point to, touch or clearly delineate. Instead, when asked to explain community, I list things which I feel identify a community: its persistence, members’ unifying or common interests, having a focus in a specific physical or online space, etc. But when I really start digging in, it’s all simply interpersonal connections, behavior, communication, expected norms, shared identity, etc.. If that’s true, then functional interpersonal communication is necessary for the creation and continued existence of a healthy community.

My question these days is: What is sufficient for the creation and continued existence of a community?

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Antler-locked

Today, it’s alarmingly easy to find yourself antler-locked with some remote, faceless person who’s trying to tell you that universal healthcare is a communist plot, while you’re waiting for your potato to finish microwaving. This facelessness turns up our impulse to argue even more. You may have noticed it’s a lot less pleasant to argue with someone when you can see their eyes.

~ David Cain from, The Art of Letting Others Be Right

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I find it, in fact, so unpleasant to argue with people that I’ve effectively given up the effort entirely.

The first phase comes of self-reflection once you think you might—at least some of the time—be wrong. The second phase comes when you realize that your sometimes-wrongness might apply to the interactions with other human beings. Phase three is when you wonder why it is important to change the other’s mind. Phase four is when you stop judging people at all.

This has the side effect that you also give up trying to get people to stop arguing at you. If I don’t argue, then the other person assumes their idea has carried the argument, when in reality I’m focused on how delightful my iced tea is, or the weather.

I’m reminded of the ages of roots, fire, water and air that I mentioned a few days back; Once you start flirting with the age of air, the only person left to argue with is oneself.

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Our deepest fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?

~ Marianne Williamson

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When is the last time you did nothing?

Blaise Pascal famously said that all human miseries arise from our inability to do this. But I think it’s really just an unwillingness. He’s right about the arising miseries though—not knowing how to deliberately do nothing is a crippling disease that leads to bizarre, self-defeating phenomena like workaholism, cigarette smoking, rude smartphone behavior (see below) and eventually war and pestilence.

~ David Cain from, 4 Absurdly Easy Things I Do That Make Life Disproportionately Better

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Not to be confused with, “doing something that doesn’t advance you towards a goal.” That’s still doing something. A lot of people spend a lot time doing all sorts of that busy-nothing; I see you on the street, in your car, at the cafe, the glow of the TV in your homes, and I can tell by the words that I overhear that all that stuff is important to you. There’s a good book, What Makes Your Brain Happy: And Why You Should Do the Opposite, which I offer for your consideration.

No, I’m asking about “doing nothing” as in sitting, or perhaps lying down, and being fully aware of the reality around you. For many years, I ran in terror from doing nothing. I ran to my todo lists or my goals or my habits designed to improve my life or my TV or my fiction books…

I started by intentionally setting out—if even for a few minutes—to do nothing. I’ve gotten pretty darn good at it these days. What I’m currently practicing is learning that doing nothing is the good stuff I should not feel guilty about.

Why not go do nothing right now?

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Gogoly Yao: Journey, Esprit Concrete, and challenges

How can addressing personal fears and vulnerabilities through movement practices lead to deeper personal growth and stronger community connections?

Gogoly Yao explains his background and the journey that led him to where he is now. He discusses how he first encountered parkour, and his work on Esprit Concrete with Kasturi Torchia. Yao shares his current challenges and what he is working on, and discusses his training with Esprit Concrete team member Georgia Munroe.

My focus in training has never been really about the movement. It has been about my fears. Like I said, that’s where it started, but I didn’t know at the time. I didn’t know a lot of things. I didn’t know where it was, what I was looking for, and what I could get.

~ Gogoly Yao (11:50)

Yao’s journey in parkour and movement began as a way to confront personal fears, including heights and physical vulnerability. His initial focus on power and large movements shifted after injuries forced him to explore conditioning and smaller, more controlled actions. This gradual change led to deeper self-awareness and a new approach to training, rooted in addressing psychological barriers.

Esprit Concrete, co-founded by Yao, reflects this philosophy by blending physical practice with emotional growth. The project focuses on guiding individuals to recognize their vulnerabilities and develop a personalized path forward, emphasizing personal agency and choice. The conversation highlights the balance between teaching others and continuing personal growth, with Yao candidly sharing his ongoing struggles with trust and control.

Takeaways

Trust and vulnerability — Trusting others is difficult but necessary for growth.

Training through fear — Addressing personal fears through movement leads to deeper progress.

Freedom in movement — Movement practices offer a sense of liberation and personal exploration.

Emotional strength — True strength lies beyond physical ability, involving emotional and mental resilience.

Individual perception — Understanding personal perceptions helps in addressing personal limitations.

Resources

Esprit Concrete — The project co-founded by Yao that blends movement practice with emotional growth and self-discovery.

Yamakasi Documentary — A film showcasing the origins of parkour that inspired Yao’s interest in the practice.

Kasturi Torchia @dr.ktorchia — Yao’s collaborator at Esprit Concrete, contributing psychological insight to the project.

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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Just a chair

It’s all about the context. I find that having certain spaces where I do certain things works wonders. For example, if I want to do certain kinds of work, I sit here and all my tools are arrayed. In general, the act of showing up at the designated area and having the environment pre-set to be conducive to the activity is often enough to get my brain to shift into the mode I need.

Have you ever tried to find a chair for reading?

For about a decade I’ve had a typical Pöang chair from Ikea that I sit in to read. It’s absolutely horrible for reading. But it’s better than any chair I have in my house. So buy a chair Craig! …if only I could find one.

High enough at the back so I can rest my head. The whole chair tipped back far enough that I can completely relax and have all of my body settle into the chair. Feet flat on the floor. Padded arm rests. Arm rests high enough that when I hold the thing I’m reading it’s up at eye level.

Sorry. This quest is driving me bonkers.

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That’s interesting

In response to the question, “Do you think we can educate ourselves, that any one of us, at any time, can be educated in any subject that strikes our fancy?” Isaac Asimov responded:

The key words here are “that strikes our fancy.” There are some things that simply don’t strike my fancy, and I doubt that I can force myself to be educated in them. On the other hand, when there’s a subject I’m ferociously interested in, then it is easy for me to learn about it. I take it in gladly and cheerfully…

[What’s exciting is] the actual process of broadening yourself, of knowing there’s now a little extra facet of the universe you know about and can think about and can understand. It seems to me that when it’s time to die, there would be a certain pleasure in thinking that you had utilized your life well, learned as much as you could, gathered in as much as possible of the universe, and enjoyed it. There’s only this one universe and only this one lifetime to try to grasp it. And while it is inconceivable that anyone can grasp more than a tiny portion of it, at least you can do that much. What a tragedy just to pass through and get nothing out of it.

~ Isaac Asimov, from His Hopes for the Future (Part Two)

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To grasp a tiny portion of it.

I’ve never had any delusions of grandeur—ok, sure, fine. I probably did in my youth. But currently, I do not now have delusions of grandeur. I’m not trying to leave a grand legacy or solve something in math or physics that will earn me a place in the pantheon of science.

I want to enjoy a few simple things, I want to appreciate the fruit of a lot of hard work and luck. Lots of smiling would be nice. Playing with my friends would be cool. I want to make that, “huh,” sound more often; Do you know that sound? It’s that little puff of curiosity one emits when some bit of knowledge clicks into place, or you realize there’s a small patch of your thinking which isn’t as illuminated as you had thought. It’s often followed by, “that’s interesting.”

When is the last time you made that noise?

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§21 – It’s all about love

This entry is part 33 of 37 in the series Study inspired by Pakour & Art du Déplacement by V. Thibault

For me, what defines a human being is the combination of our intellect, our self-awareness, and our mortality. Developing the first two, and in particular becoming comfortable with the third takes a lot of time. It’s clear to me that there are seasons to our human lives. The best description I’ve heard is that of four seasons: roots, fire, water and air, corresponding to beginning, actively carving one’s path, learning acceptance and understanding, and finally wisdom. (This is obviously a variation of the four, classical elements.)

Frequently over the past year I’ve found myself thinking about the transition from the season of water to the season of air. What would the season of air feel like if I experienced glimpses of it from the season of water?

I believe I have an answer: Understanding self-love.

To come to grips with one’s own mortality requires a deep apprehension of the temporary state of our existence, and I now believe understanding self-love is the doorway to the age of air.

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My other faults

If anyone tells you that a person speaks ill of you, don’t make excuses about what is said of you, but answer: ‘He does not know my other faults, or he would not have mentioned only these.’

~ Epictetus

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Missed it and that’s ok

Yesterday, there was no post here on the ol’ blog, and yesterday I was ok with that. This is a big deal for me.

I’m obsessive about sticking with systems, and of course I have a system to my mornings which involves setting aside time to write. Yesterday, some other important things came up and I felt my time was better spent elsewhere. After all, “write a post every day” is not a pillar of my self-identity. (“I am someone who blogs,” is a pillar.)

Previously—by which I mean, on any day I can recall, before yesterday—I would have been all over myself, all day about not having had a blog post. I probably would have listed “no blog posts” among the nightly reasons I review while falling asleep as to why the day was a failure.

But somehow, yesterday, there was simply no blog post.

Today you might argue that I’m cheating because I’m writing about writing. But I am writing. Most importantly, I’m writing abot what’s on my mind.

So, what other routines might I be clinging to for no good reason?

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Books

I read now for the same reasons I read then — to feel less alone. But I read for more than that: Reading teaches me the answers to problems I haven’t had yet, or to problems I didn’t even know how to describe. And when I feel less alone with what troubles me, it is easier to find solutions. A book to me is like a friend, a shelter, advice, an argument with someone who cares enough to argue with me for a better answer than the one we both already have. Books aren’t just a door to another world — each book is part of a door to the whole world, a door that always has more behind it. Which is why I still can’t think of anything I’d rather do more than read.

~ Alexander Chee, from A Velocity of Being, which I found via, Alexander Chee’s Lovely Letter to Children About How Books Save Us – The Marginalian

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I’ve mentioned elsewhere that growing up, it was a 20-minute drive to anything. A true bookstore, or even a public library, was farther still.

But I do distinctly remember the feeling of being among books. At a book store, at my high school’s library, at the closest [small] city’s public library, and eventually at my university’s two libraries. To be honest, I don’t know when last I thought of that feeling, until it bubbled up, just now as I write. The lighting. The sound-scape. The smells. The furtniture. And of course the books. Knowledge and experiences and surprises and questions beyond belief.

(Woa! I just remembered the huge amount of time I spent thinking about one day having a proper study. My own personal library, meets workspace, meets inner sanctum. And I’m reminded that I’m currently obsessed with finding a good chair for reading.)

But it’s all about the books.

Carl Sagan captured it best when we said, “Humans work magic.

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Andy Pearson: Failure, inspiration, and injuries

How can a coach ensure their students surpass their own skills and preserve the essence of parkour over generations?

Andy Pearson unpacks why he considers himself a failed coach, and dives into what he believes his job as a coach to be. He shares his insights on where to look for coaching and training inspiration outside of parkour, before going through the litany of injuries he’s had, and explaining how they have shaped his training. Andy discusses his current training and how he expects it to grow and evolve, before wrapping up with his thoughts on FIG and the Olympics.

There are a lot of kids out there that are much, much better than I am […] I was thinking about this metric: Out of all of my students, can I actually think of anybody that has gone on and I’ve actually made them better than I am? I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about my ability as a coach, and therefore am I failing? Am I failing because therefore there’s going to be this dilution. Because if they then go on to be coaches and they do the same thing to their students and so on and so forth, are we going to be gradually losing what it means? …what parkour is about?

~ Andy Pearson (6:00)

The conversation explores Andy’s reflections on his coaching career, questioning whether his methods genuinely allow students to surpass his own abilities. Andy grapples with the idea that shielding students from the mistakes he made may unintentionally dilute essential learning experiences. He discusses how past injuries and his evolving perspective on training are reshaping his coaching philosophy.

Andy highlights the value of exploring strength and conditioning disciplines outside of parkour to enhance his coaching. He references strength coaches like Mark Rippetoe and training systems like StrongFit as critical resources. The discussion also touches on the contrast between structured coaching environments and the organic, unstructured paths taken by top parkour athletes, raising questions about the future direction of parkour training.

Takeaways

Training outside parkour — Exploring strongman training, Olympic lifting, and powerlifting provides valuable insights for improving parkour coaching.

Student progression — A key measure of a coach’s success is the number of students who surpass their abilities.

Injuries and resilience — Past injuries inform coaching methods, shaping approaches to protect students without limiting their growth.

Organic learning — Some of the best parkour practitioners develop without formal coaching, raising questions about the effectiveness of structured classes.

Strength programming — Applying principles of strength programming to parkour can help athletes break through plateaus and build resilience.

Resources

Starting Strength — Mark Rippetoe’s comprehensive guide to strength training fundamentals.

Practical Programming for Strength Training — Mark Rippetoe’s’ follow-up to Starting Strength, this book dives deeper into programming and periodization for strength progression.

Jim Wendler’s 5/3/1 Program — A simple and effective strength training program designed for long-term progress, emphasizing core lifts and incremental gains.

Precision Nutrition — A leading educational platform for nutrition coaching and certification, providing in-depth resources on diet, health, and athletic performance.

Barbell Shrugged Podcast — A podcast and video series that explores fitness, strength training, CrossFit, and the business of health and wellness.

Pavel Tsatsouline Resources — Pavel is known for popularizing kettlebell training in the U.S. and offers resources on strength training and conditioning, particularly for military and special forces applications.

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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