A series of posts intended to help you develop the skill of personal, self-reflection. The first post is Practicing Reflection.
HOW DO I TREAT SOMEONE I DON’T KNOW? — Your character shows in how you treat those who can do nothing for you.
We’re about halfway. Poke your head out of your private journey of practicing reflection and quietly take some guesses about how reflective are the people around you. No judging; recall day one’s message about self-improvement NOT being zero-sum.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
CONCENTRATION — “It takes but a little to destroy and overturn everything, just a slight deviation from reason. To overturn his ship, a helmsman does not need the same proficiency as he does to keep it safe, but, if he turns it a little too far into the wind, he is lost: and even if he does not do so deliberately, but simply loses his concentration for a moment, he is lost. Such is the case here too. If you nod off for just a moment, all that you have acquired up till then is gone.” ~ Epictetus, 4.3.4-6
You are using a trigger to practice reflection. Is there anything in your day that resembles the reflection trigger? Opportunities where you could reflect spontaneously?
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
THINK WIN/WIN — “Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It’s based on power and position rather than on principle. Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.” ~ Stephen Covey
Were there any moments yesterday when you suddenly—it can be quite jarring the first few times—became aware that you were _aware_ of your own thoughts?
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
RESOLUTION — “Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
We’ve been developing our awareness via self-reflection. What happens if we turn our awareness outward?
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
TAKE ACTION — “Action’s ecstasy is instantaneous and compounding: Even if for the millionth time, it works its magic. Its trigger is sure: All you do is peel your ass off the bottom of whatever hole you are in, and climb!” ~ Bryan Ward
Are you surprised by your thoughts’, and your mind’s, complexity? Are you amazed? Are you empowered?
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
SINGLE-TASK BY PUTTING LIFE IN FULL-SCREEN MODE — “Imagine that everything you do — a work task, answering an email or message, washing a dish, reading an article — goes into full-screen mode, so that you don’t do or look at anything else. You just inhabit that task fully, and are fully present as you do it. What would your life be like? In my experience, it’s much less stressful when you work and live this way. Things get your full attention, and you do them much better. And you can even savor them.” ~ Leo Babauta
Having now spent at least 46 minutes in self-reflection and practicing awareness of your own thoughts— …any change in daily lived life? …any change in your relationships? No right answers, simply awareness.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
AM I AUTHENTIC OR OBSEQUIOUS? — Discerning the difference between obsequiousness and politeness can be difficult, but courtesy should be rooted in benevolence. Politeness should be the expression of a benevolent regard for the feelings of others; it’s a poor virtue if it’s motivated only by a fear of offending good taste. In its highest form Politeness approaches love.
A good mirror shows an accurate image. A fun-house mirror shows a distorted image. How is your reflection on your own thoughts?
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
CHOICE — “For there are two rules we should always have at hand: That nothing is good or evil, but choice; and, that we are not to lead events, but to follow them. “My brother ougth not to have treated me so.” Very true, but it is for him to see to that. However he treats me, I am to act rightly with regard to him. For this is my concern, the other is somebody else’s; this no one can hinder, the other is open to hindrance.” ~ Epictetus, 3.10.18-9
Reflection. Inward-facing. Intentional awareness of our own thoughts.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST — “The degree to which we have developed our independent will in our everyday lives is measured by our personal integrity. Integrity is, fundamentally, the value we place on ourselves. It’s our ability to take and keep commitments to ourselves, to “walk our talk.” It’s honor with self, a fundamental part of the Character Ethic, the essence of proactive growth.” ~ Stephen Covey
Our practice of reflection is an explicitly inward-facing activity. We’re repeatedly, intentionally being aware.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
WHAT CAN I DO TO BE SO GOOD THEY CAN’T IGNORE ME? — Continuous improvement? A “big swing?” A simple but insightful solution? The path to “the best” is not obvious and likely does not pass directly through the most-obvious next thing.
It’s not necessary to move beyond simply observing our thoughts. Simply practicing _observing_ your thoughts will make you more aware of your thoughts.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
NOTICE THE SPACE — “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~ Viktor Frankl
Reflection is about self-focus. Each day you’re practicing holding up a mirror. Specifically, you’re observing your thoughts, in response to a prompt.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
ORDER — “Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
One day, these triggers from me will end. To what trigger under your control could you attach this nascent habit of self-reflection?
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
DISTRACTION, BUSYNESS AND CONSTANT SWITCHING ARE MENTAL HABITS — “We don’t need any of these habits, but they build up over the years because they comfort us. We can live more simply by letting go of these mental habits. What would life be like without constant switching, distraction and busyness?” ~ Leo Babauta
Trigger. New habit.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
IMPROVE ONESELF — “So now, are you not willing to help yourself? And how much easier such assistance is! You need not kill, imprison, or assault a man; you need not come into the market-place, you have merely to talk with yourself, the man who will be most readily persuaded, and to whom no one can be more persuassive than yourself. So, in the first place, pass judgement on your actions; but when you have condemned them, do not give up on yourself, nor be like those mean-spirited peole who, when they have once given way, abandon themselves entirely, and are, so to speak, swept off by the flood.” ~ Epictetus, 4.9.13-4
Today’s a good day to look closely at the trigger you’re experiencing. There are always ways you can change a trigger. Tinker—if not for real, then at least as a thought experiment—with changing the daily trigger for this journey.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND — “Each part of your life can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have to your life as a whole.” ~ Stephen Covey
Trigger. New habit.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
WHAT AM I DOING WHILE ON “THE BENCH”? — If there is somewhere I want to be, begin walking. Identify something which I can do now, or very soon, which is interesting. Remember that efficacy is active, not passive.
You’re using the arrival of this email as your trigger. Do you recall that I mentioned on day one that I was introducing you to being reflective upon being prompted?
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
IMPRESSIONS — “But if you have in reality given thought to nothing other than the proper use of impressions, then as soon as you get up in the morning ask yourself, “What do I lack in order to be free from passion? What, to enjoy tranquillity? What am I? Am I a mere worthless body? Am I property? Am I reputation? None of these. What, then? I am a rational creature.” What, then, is required of you? Go over your actions. “Where did I transgress: in relation to peace of mind? What did I do that was unfriendly, or unsociable, or inconsiderate? What have I failed to do that I ought to have done with regard to these matters?” ~ Epictetus, 4.6.34-5
Trigger. New habit.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
SILENCE — “Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Everything you do is initiated by triggers. “X” happens to me, so then I do “Y.” Creating a new habit is difficult because we don’t realize we need to attach it to a trigger.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
AM I LIKELY TO “ACT” OR “REACT” TO A TASK? — Seek the reason for the task so that it may motivate me to proper action. Otherwise, determine how to eliminate or avoid the task entirely. Do or do not; there is no try.
2 minutes: Pause life. Read. Think. Resume life.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)
LOOK INWARD — “Everybody is too busy with their own lives to give a damn about your book, painting, screenplay, etc., especially if you haven’t sold it yet. And the ones that aren’t [too busy], you don’t want in your life anyway.” ~ Jason Korman
Have you considered adding some physical ritual to your reflection? Perhaps taking three deep, slow breaths before the reading, or … If you decide to try something, don’t go crazy; just something very small and easy. Or not. That’s fine too.
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Arrived in the middle? Visit the first post, Where to begin?
(The entire series is available to download as a PDF ebook.)