Craig Constantine

25 years ago

Published April 12, 2016 · All posts on Apr 12 ·

25 years ago, on a Friday night, Tracy and I went on our first date.

There’s a wonderful, socially ackward story about me chickening out of the original plan, then a late-evening missed phone call, and an eventual midnight movie. If you ask us nicely, we’ll tell you our conflicting versions of the story. There even a bit of debate about the exact movie we saw; We’re pretty sure it was Silence of the Lambs. (Yes, we opted for a midnight showing for our first date. I’ll let that settle in for a few moments.) On the other hand, the movie might possibly have been a spectacularly horrible movie titled Warlock, which no one has ever heard of. So sometimes we tell the story with it being Silence of the Lambs and sometimes it’s Warlock. Long ago, I think we used to argue about this when we told the story… now, I can’t even remember which of us argued for which movie.

I digress.

Tracy is awesome, and I love her very much! We are still in love. …but, this isn’t a ‘Happy Anniversary!’ card addressed to Tracy.

I firmly believe that there’s no single perfect person for me. I am not a “special snowflake”. And if – as the old saying goes – Tracy “is one-in-a-million,” then she’s one of about 8,000 perfect people for me alive at this very moment.

What makes me special in some ways is the same thing that makes her special in some ways: We have both invested a large portion of our lives in each other. We’ve both spent 25 years working each on our own selves, and have continued sharing the improved versions with each other. The “institution” of marriage doesn’t magically make our relationship special; I, and she, made the relationship special by working on it.

25 years ago I was a totally different person. I was (just simply by definition) on some path through life. There was absolutely no way I could have selected the perfect person for me. I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know my future. I didn’t know how my path would evolve. How could I possibly pick someone who was compatible then, and would grow and change to remain compatible for 25 years.

In one sense, I was extremely lucky to find someone who turned out to be able to adapt and grow in some sort of way that somehow remained compatible with my ever-changing general insanity. But in another much more important sense, we both have spent huge amounts of time talking, arguing, discussing and growing together. So today, it’s not that the luck we had years ago was special or unique – because “humans meet” happens constantly every day – it’s that we somehow stood by that bit of common, every-day luck and worked on it for 25 years.

People change. People age. People get sick and die. Life moves ever forward. The love at age 20 is nothing like the love at age 40, or – as far as I can tell at this point – the love at age 80. (eg, Old Love.)

What matters most to me is that I continue to honestly work on who I am. Only by doing that work do I continue to be worthy of a relationship such as we’ve created so far.

Here’s to another 50 years! Huzzah!!

Damaging my hands is not a good thing

Published March 22, 2016 · All posts on Mar 22 ·

This entry is part 49 of 72 in the series My Journey

I used to think blisters, busted skin, and crusty scabs were badges of accomplishment. But now, I think that if my hands are wounded I have done something wrong.

If I have a bashed shin, a bleeding elbow, or a bruised rib then clearly I’ve done something wrong to damage those body parts. So why did I think that injuries to my hands were cool or something of which to be proud?

tl;dr: Hubris.

Almost everyone I know has soft hands. I know a very few people who work in trades who have tough hands, and I know some Parkour people with seasoned hands. So I thought it was cool that I could sometimes show off my “I worked hard hands.” Turns out that was just a way for me to brag. (Boo! Bad, old me! Time for me to re-read My Oath.)

Even worse, there were times where I’ve left parts of my hands, or even blood, on walls, obstacles, etc.. That’s actually pretty gross, and is the exact opposite of the leave-no-trace mentality that I want to cultivate in myself.

The light-bulb moment for me was the last time I went indoor bouldering. I climbed for several hours (at a leisurely pace and without damaging ANY body parts). When I was done I found myself thinking, “AWESOME! Look at my hands! All these pull-ups and scaf work are paying off!”

Lest I get pushed under the bus by hardcore people, I want to be clear: I train hard. I love “MDK”, “gauntlets” and mental/physical challenges. I do push parts of my body to their limits. Usually, I discover those limits were farther out than I expected. But, just as I do with the rest of my body, I am now going to do my best to take good care of my hands.

I’m happy with progressions for everything I do; Now I’ll try to also be happy with progressions for my hands. If it turns out that I have to stop doing something (or tape my hands, or *gasp* put gloves on) because my hands are going to give out, that tells me what I have to work on next: Toughening up my hands.

It’s not a priority

Published March 17, 2016 · All posts on Mar 17 ·

This entry is part 46 of 72 in the series My Journey

Starting today, you are no longer allowed to utter the words: “I don’t have time.” Instead, you will say, “It’s not a priority.”
~ Steve Kamb from, Why “I Don’t Have Time” Is A Big Fat Lie

slip:4unebo12.

Years ago, when I discovered the Lehigh Valley Parkour community’s inside jokes, I started avoiding the word “can’t” — if another LVPK member hears you, there’s an immediate 5 pushups penalty. (Very annoying in markets, subways, when driving, you get the idea.) Instead of saying “I can’t do that…” you start to say “I can do that when I am able to [insert something I need to work on].” Changing your words, changes your thoughts, changes your actions, changes your life.

Well, this one is my newest addition. No more “I don’t have time”; It’s all going to be, “It’s not a priority.” Go ahead, try a few of these out loud:

I don’t have time to eat healthy, becomes… Eating healthy isn’t a priority.

I don’t have time to exercise, becomes… Exercise isn’t a priority.

I don’t have time to sleep, becomes… Sleep isn’t a priority.

Oh, well brain, if you’re going to think about it that way… our whole life is going to change.