Scree

noun : an accumulation of loose stones or rocky debris lying on a slope or at the base of a hill or cliff.

Fear of failure

Published January 13, 2019 · All posts on Jan 13

But, as it often turns out, author Oliver Burkeman argues for a much more sensible proposition — namely, that we’ve created a culture crippled by the fear of failure, and that the most important thing we can do to enhance our psychoemotional wellbeing is to embrace uncertainty.

~ Maria Papova, from Against Positive Thinking

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There’s been enough global discussion of the ‘fear of missing out’.  You understand what it means and why it is that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  What are you going to do about it?

Are you going to talk to others about these ideas, (Maria’s above, Oliver’s being referenced, mine)?  Are you going to work to be the change you want to see in the world?

…AND WHEN YOU FAIL, what are you going to do then?

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Low oil prices are a problem too

Published January 12, 2019 · All posts on Jan 12

In recent years, we have heard a great deal about the possibility of Peak Oil, including high oil prices. If the issue we are facing is really prices that are too low for producers, then there seems to be the possibility of a different limits issue, called Collapse. Many early economies seem to have collapsed as they reached resource limits. Collapse seems to be characterized by growing wealth disparity, inadequate wages for non-elite workers, failing governments, debt defaults, resource wars, and epidemics. Eventually, population associated with collapsed economies may fall very low or completely disappear. As Collapse approaches, commodity prices seem to be low, rather than high.

~ Gail Tverberg, from Low Oil Prices

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The idea that there may no price where a buyer and seller can agree is patently obvious, right?

Suppose you can only afford to spend $1 on some thing you absolutely need, but I need $100 to cover the cost of producing the thing. No amount of haggling over price will solve this problem. The solution is to add some debt; you borrow some money and buy the thing at some price we can agree on.

What happens if you cannot take on more debt? You need the thing, you cannot afford the price, and you cannot leverage future payment (aka, debt) to purchase the thing…

What happens as more of the world can no longer afford to purchase oil at the price needed by the oil producers?

What happens as more of the world runs out of debt?

…and if you think running out of debt is not possible, please go read more of Gail’s writing.

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How to make life agreeable

Published January 11, 2019 · All posts on Jan 11

You’ll feel much less of a need to control outcomes, which — in a brilliant instance of irony — frees your capacity to control your response, and create an outcome you like. If there is some action you want to take, you can take it with grace and cool-headedness instead of frustration and desperation.

~ David Cain from, How to Make Life Agreeable

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This reminds me of my thought about enjoying standing in line at the post office.  Not in the sense of, “I’m great, I have this mastered.”  Rather in the sense that I recall what it has felt like and I recall the impatience and urge to get away from situations which I had decided were disagreeable.

Obviously I’ve not mastered this; there are still plenty of instances where I judge a situation unworthy and begin my squirming to escape.  But, I’m making progress.  I’d go so far as to say that I’m getting comfortable sitting in my inability to sit comfortably in situations I’d normally resist.

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Pascal Lecurieux | Parkour Pentagon

Published January 9, 2019 · All posts on Jan 9

On Castbox.fm — Pascal Lecurieux | Parkour Pentagon

What are the key elements of the Parkour Specialization Pentagon System, and how can they help individuals identify and develop their strengths in Parkour?

Identifying strengths and weaknesses through the Pentagon System transforms how practitioners approach Parkour.

I gave them an exercise where they had to pinpoint their own specialization and see where they are right now and where they want to go.

~ Pascal Lecurieux (6:28)

The conversation focuses on the Parkour Specialization Pentagon System developed by Pascal, which organizes Parkour into five key aspects: strength, adaptation, speed, fluidity, and freestyle. Each dimension provides a lens for practitioners to evaluate their current abilities and identify areas for improvement. Pascal explains the unique qualities and objectives of each aspect, illustrating how they connect to both traditional and modern interpretations of Parkour.

Additionally, the discussion highlights the practical applications of the system in coaching and personal development. Pascal shares anecdotes, such as a young student discovering her niche in fluidity, showcasing the system’s capacity to unlock individual potential. The system also fosters community bonding by encouraging practitioners to collaborate and share their unique styles.

Takeaways

Strength — Emphasizes foundational physical capabilities like power moves and scaling higher walls.

Adaptation — Highlights the importance of applying techniques effectively in diverse environments.

Speed — Focuses on refining techniques for real-time execution under dynamic conditions.

Fluidity — Encourages emotional connection to movement, chaining moves seamlessly, and reducing impact.

Freestyle — Celebrates creativity by adding personalized elements like flips or rotations to standard techniques.

Analytical coaching — Provides tools to assess and guide students based on their strengths and goals.

Community-building — Promotes collaboration by connecting individuals with similar specializations.

Practical exercises — Engages participants with activities to assess and explore their personal Parkour styles.

Resources

ParkourBits.com — Pascal’s blog where he shares insights and experiences in Parkour.

The Spot Montreal — The Parkour facility where Pascal coaches and implements his system.

Art of Retreat

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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Mistakes in thinking about the future

Published January 9, 2019 · All posts on Jan 9

One of the most liberating discoveries I ever had was that thinking has an insidious snowball effect. Thoughts trigger other thoughts, and if your initial thought carries even a hint of insecurity or worry, subsequent thoughts can explore it and magnify it until you’re profoundly agitated. You can end up pulling your hair out and dreading the rest of your life, just from idle thinking.

~ David Cain from, Three Typical Mistakes in Thinking About the Future

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The snowball effect is probably my biggest problem. Small things—now that I think about it, it’s always small set-backs—kick off these long trains of thinking.

Have you ever heard a freight train start to move? It’s called “stretching out” because every rail car adds a few inches of slop… space in the couplers, etc. If you’re at the front, you hear the engine throttle up, and this crashing sound starts at the engine and moves away along the train.

If you’re not at the front, if you’re just somewhere randomly along the train, what you hear is this eerie, rolling-crashing invisible monster that comes tearing along at high speed and goes past you, but nothing is moving. Yet.

This reminds me of my trains of thought. They start with the first nudge of negative thought which sets this terrible monster running along the train. At first, nothing appears to be moving. But slowly that nightmare train begins to move, and if it gets up to speed it can take me days to recover from the ensuing disaster.

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Existential boredom

Published January 8, 2019 · All posts on Jan 8

Toohey argues that boredom, unlike primary emotions like happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, or disgust, takes a secondary role, alongside “social emotions” like sympathy, embarrassment, shame, guilt, pride, jealousy, envy, gratitude, admiration, and contempt. He delineates between two main types of boredom — simple boredom, which occurs regularly and doesn’t require that you be able to name it, and existential boredom, a grab-bag condition that is “neither an emotion, nor a mood, nor a feeling” but, rather, “an impressive intellectual formulation” that has much in common with depression and is highly self-aware, something Toohey calls the most self-reflective of conditions.

~ Maria Papova, from The Cultural History and Adaptive Function of Boredom

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In that article, there’s an interesting list of self-assessment statements—one of those self-assessments where you rate your level of agreement with each statement, total your points, and see where the Sorting Hat places you on a spectrum of total scores. There was a time not so long ago when I would have immediately answered the questions, totalled my score, and investigated the implications of where I had been sorted.

It would have gone like this: For each question, “here’s my current level of agreement to this statement, …what should it be? …how do I move in that direction?” For the total score, “here’s where I am on this spectrum [of resistence to boredom], should I and could I move along the spectrum?” There would also have been enormous effort to consider the statements themselves, the methods used to compose them, are they the right tools to evaluate sorting within the spectrum, does the spectrum make sense, and so on. It would have all been very much analyze-then-act, all very much forward-looking—I’m at situation/position ‘A’ and how do I move towards ‘B’?

But when I read this article I had a completely new experience.

Novel. First time. Startling.

I read the statement, “in situations where I have to wait, such as in line, I get very restless.” My reaction was not, “score, 0, strongly disagree.” I had a flash of a feeling. A moment where I felt transported—not metaphorically speaking, but rather I felt myself standing in line at the post office. I could see it, hear it, the people, the employees, etc.

AND IT WAS PLEASANT

Pleasant in the way laying in a hammock in afternoon sun dappled through a tree’s leaves is pleasant. Pleasant, as in I felt a tiny pang of regret to realize my feet are currently chilly [winter, wood stove, hardwood floors; it’s not unpleasant, just visceral] and to be standing up on them would be nicer. Pleasant, as in it would be interesting to hear the small slices of Regular Life—yes, even the ill-behaved children and adults distracted on their phones—you get standing in a queue. Pleasant, as in…

Wait wat? “zero, strongly disagree” …and I was snapped back into at least vaguely gauging wether I was disagreeing or agreeing with the statements [I was all over the map by the way] as I skimmed the list before I moved on from the article.

‘Curiouser and curiouser,’ said Alice.

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The same old thing

Published January 7, 2019 · All posts on Jan 7

Now just as we pick out and exaggerate the pleasure of eating to produce gluttony, so we pick out this natural pleasantness of change and twist it into a demand for absolute novelty. This demand is entirely our workmanship. If we neglect our duty, men will be not only contented but transported by the mixed novelty and familiarity of snowdrops this January, sunrise this morning, plum pudding this Christmas. Children, until we have taught them better, will be perfectly happy with a seasonal round of games in which conkers succeed hopscotch as regularly as autumn follows summer. Only by our incessant efforts is the demand for infinite, or unrhythmical, change kept up.”

~ Screwtape, from Getting Over the Horror of the Same Old Thing

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C.S. Lewis wrote the Screwtape Letters from the point of view of a senior-level demon named Screwtape providing instructions to his direct-reports (ie, demons doing actual work) on how to be great demons. The quote above is a wonderful glimpse into just how visionary Screwtape really is.

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2019

Published January 6, 2019 · All posts on Jan 6

Early each month, I take time to review my journal entries. I sit down and read the new month’s entries from 6 years ago, 3 years ago, and 1 year ago. When I started journaling, I never imagined I would have enough entries to do that.

It has felt like I am reading monthly installments from three completely different novels which arrive just often enough that I can remember what was happening. Every month, each of these three people’s stories gets advanced. I’ve been doing this for over a year. I’m not sure what is going to happen [to my brain] when, in my reading of the 3-years-ago novel, I get to the part where the 1-year-ago novel is today. But, since it will have been a while since I read that part, I suspect it will feel like a fresh installment. For that matter, if reading the 1-year-ago novel today already melts my brain, what will happen [again, to my brain] when the 6-years-ago novel gets to where the 3-years-ago novel is?

So, the first thing I’ve noticed is that these novels are wild. I feel as if I’m getting installments from some insane author who doesn’t take his job very seriously. Sometimes I get big entries for every day of the month droning on and on with all the gory details of the character’s life; it’s like work from some drunk author who needs to learn to edit sober. Sometimes I get these notebook-bulging multimedia scrapbook things. Sometimes the author just phones-it-in with a terse, “there’s not much to say,” and sends one journal entry that reads, “didn’t write much,” and I wonder why I’m paying him to write the novels. Sometimes—and this is the worst—the action stops mid-scene at the end of the installment.

The next thing I’ve noticed is that the relationships between these three characters is wacked. I am, after all, just reading the same huge novel with three bookmarks at different places in time. Even though it is literally the same character, their relationships seem tenuous at best. The 6-years-ago character is hopeless: What are you doing, and are you actually blind?! Meanwhile the 1-year-ago character strikes me as simply naive: Do you seriously think 2018 is going to go well now that you’ve “had a chance to look back” on 2017; how quaint, and you are clearly, completely unrelated to this 6-years-ago character. And don’t get me started about the 3-years-ago clown: You seem to have read the 6-years-ago novel by skipping over the lessons and reading only the racy bits.

But, I keep paying the author and he keeps sending me installments for the three novels. Every month, as I sit down to read, I think that maybe—as in, “maybe drawing for an inside straight will work”—the today-me can manage to extract something useful.

I—the today-me writing this—note that in this process there’s nothing special about a January. I read the new installment for all three novels every month. Every month I think: If 6-years-ago me is hopeless, and 3-years-ago me is a clown only reading the racy bits, and 1-year-ago me is simply naive— …that’s TERRIFIC!! Now that I know, I can do a better job of choosing my actions. But wait, how long have I been reading these novels? It’s been more than a year. Uh-oh, that means 1-year-ago me has already tried to change. Uh-oh, what does it mean if the 3-years-ago-me doesn’t change in two more years? Actually, clearly he won’t change, because I’m reading the 1-year-ago novel right now, and he hasn’t solved it! Ok wait hold on— …should I write, the 3-years-ago me “doesn’t” change, or “didn’t” change— …err— …wait— Will the 3-years-ago me have [or is it “have had”?!] this exact same thought, about 24 months ago— …no, 24 months from now, when he reads that part in the other novel— …now I’m actually confused.

Screw it. I’m having a drink and phoning-it-in.

There’s not much to say; Didn’t write much.

But just to mess with all three future-me-s reading the novels, this author is plagiarizing this post and copying it directly into the journal entry for today.

Happy new year!

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Holobionts?

Published January 4, 2019 · All posts on Jan 4

The tighter the integration, the more closely intertwined the fates of host and microbe become. For such holobionts, Bordenstein says, you can’t understand the evolution of either the host genome or the microbial genomes in isolation because the community of organisms as a whole shapes the traits of the individual. “We need to understand what the microbes make, what the host makes and potentially how those products work together,” he said. The holobiont, he argues, adds up to more than the sum of the host and microbes. Out of their interaction emerges a coherent entity that natural selection might act on alongside other units of selection, like the individual or a gene.

~ Jonathan Lambert, from Should Evolution Treat Our Microbes as Part of Us?

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I’m am fascinated by the reality that there are countless microbes which coinhabit our body.

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Dan Edwardes | Cultivating Confidence, Fear, and Flow

Published January 2, 2019 · All posts on Jan 2

On Castbox.fm — Dan Edwardes | Cultivating Confidence, Fear, and Flow

What are the most effective methods for understanding and managing fear in physical and mental practices?

Exploring how fear shapes movement and mindset in Parkour and beyond.

The stories can be changed, but fear as a raw emotion is a good thing.

~ Dan Edwardes (4:26)

This conversation focuses on the role of fear in Parkour training and its broader implications for personal growth. Dan explains that fear itself is a natural and helpful emotion, distinct from the stories or narratives people attach to it over time. He challenges the conventional approach of overcoming fear through adrenaline or suppression, advocating instead for building a positive relationship with fear by understanding and accepting it as an ally.

The discussion highlights practical techniques for coaches, such as familiarizing students with the emotion of fear in controlled settings, separating the raw emotion from its associated narratives, and encouraging a focus on controllable elements of challenges. Dan emphasizes that this approach not only enhances physical performance but also fosters deeper psychological resilience and confidence.

Takeaways

Fear as an ally — Fear is a protective emotion that can be transformed into a helpful guide when understood and accepted.

Narrative distinction — Separating the raw emotion of fear from the stories attached to it is key to managing it effectively.

Coaching strategies — Coaches can help students by familiarizing them with the sensation of fear without immediate action, fostering comfort with the emotion.

Controlling the controllables — Focusing on elements within one’s control, such as technique and preparation, reduces fear associated with specific challenges.

Limitations of suppression — Overcoming fear through suppression or adrenaline may yield short-term results but lacks the depth to build lasting confidence.

Parkour as a fear practice — Parkour uniquely integrates fear management into its core, making it a valuable framework for broader life applications.

Resources

Parkour Generations — Organization co-founded by Dan Edwardes, focusing on Parkour training and education.

ADAPT Qualifications — Certification program for Parkour coaching and training, developed by Dan Edwardes.

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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The only way out is through

Published January 2, 2019 · All posts on Jan 2

But that won’t work. The “sickness” is not that some nasty people have come into power, but that human beings across the board are still working primarily from their stone-age instincts. The detractors of The Establishment are just as consumed by their own needs for personal power, righteousness, security and social dominance as the people they so proudly hate.

~ David Cain from, If Society is Sick, What Should We Do About It?

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To some extent, this article is cynical. Although, it’s not nearly as cynical as this pull-quote I’ve selected makes it sound.

After reading it, what interests me is the idea that the more difficult path of wading into the society—as opposed to trying to remain “untainted” by it—may be the correct course of action. I like the idea that, yes, there is a great deal wrong with humans, but nothing so wrong that can’t be fixed through the continued application of some compassion, reason, and logic (in no particular order.) I used to think it’d be easy to be happy if I was just in an idyllic environment, but that continuing to strive in a lesser environment was to take the higher road. But in more recent years I’ve been thinking that it may not be possible to be truly happy in an idyllic environment; that having something against which to measure oneself may be a necessary component of happiness.

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Clutter and focus

Published January 1, 2019 · All posts on Jan 1

When your environment is cluttered, the chaos restricts your ability to focus. The clutter also limits your brain’s ability to process information. Clutter makes you distracted and unable to process information as well as you do in an uncluttered, organized, and serene environment.

~ Erin Doland from, «https://unclutterer.com/2011/03/29/scientists-find-physical-clutter-negatively-affects-your-ability-to-focus-process-information/»

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My personal experience agrees. Having spaces set aside for whatever-it-is-you-want-to-do pays off. Sometimes that’s a dedicated space. But sometimes it’s a space which has multiple purposes, which I somehow convert when I’m changing uses.

Having a space which I intend to be uncluttered also gives me the opportunity to clean it up and prepare it for the activity. Sometimes I’m just not feeling the vibe I need to begin whatever-it-is, and taking a few minutes to prepare the space — and maybe prepare some coffee too ;) — puts me into a focused and energized mood.

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Traditions you love

Published December 30, 2018 · All posts on Dec 30

Make a list of the traditions you love, and that you don’t love.

~ Leo Babauta from, How to Simplify the Holidays

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A couple of less-usual ones that I particularly love: The idea of having Friends-giving dinners, and a randomly-scheduled, rotating hosts, dinner party thing I have with a group of my second-cousins.

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Martin Kallesøe: Coaching, coffee, and Street Movement

Published December 29, 2018 · All posts on Dec 29

Martin Kallesøe: Coaching, coffee, and Street Movement

What lessons can we learn from integrating Parkour into structured educational settings and promoting personal growth through physical movement?

In this episode of Movers Mindset, Craig talks with Martin Kallesøe of Street Movement. They discuss Martin’s unique introduction to parkour, his thoughts on coaching, and Danish Parkour’s coffee culture. He also touches on his first experiences with the Yamakasi, as well as the history and culture of Street Movement and the International Gathering at Gerlev.

Don’t lose joy. If you lose joy in Parkour, don’t quit. Tone it down, keep doing it, but do something else a lot for a while.

~ Martin Kallesøe (37:10)

The conversation explores the transformative journey of integrating Parkour into both personal practice and educational frameworks. It begins with the guest’s early exposure to Parkour during his university years in Denmark and traces his path to co-founding Street Movement. The discussion includes the philosophical underpinnings of Parkour, emphasizing self-discovery, collaboration, and adaptability. These principles are highlighted as crucial for teaching others while maintaining the joy of practice.

Further topics include the challenges and rewards of incorporating Parkour into academic settings, such as fostering peer learning and designing flexible curricula. The conversation also touches on the broader implications of creating inclusive learning environments, the role of international connections in evolving the discipline, and the need for mindfulness in both teaching and training.

Takeaways

Teaching through collaboration — The importance of peer-to-peer learning in Parkour education.

Bringing Parkour into schools — Challenges and successes of introducing Parkour into structured educational settings.

Resilience and creativity — Using movement challenges to foster adaptability and innovative thinking.

Cultural shifts in coaching — Moving away from performance-driven goals toward intrinsic growth and curiosity.

Integrating physical disciplines — Drawing insights from other activities to keep Parkour practice fresh and joyful.

Philosophy of movement — Viewing Parkour as more than just physical practice, emphasizing life lessons and mindfulness.

Iterative development in education — Adapting teaching methods based on participant feedback and small, meaningful changes.

Resources

Movers Mindset Podcast Episode 24 — The podcast episode featuring this conversation.

Street Movement — The organization co-founded by the guest to promote Parkour and creative movement.

Yamakasi — A founding group of Parkour practitioners referenced in the discussion.

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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Insight

Published December 29, 2018 · All posts on Dec 29

The greatest revelations are not when you discover something new and profound, but when you actually apply something you already “knew.” That is when information becomes real wisdom. Only then is it finally able to change who you are instead of just what you think.

~ David Cain from, Insight Is Not Enough

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I’ve been referring often to David Cain’s writing recently. Nothing wrong with that per se; it’s great stuff that makes me think. Anyway, you may wonder why that happens. Why do I seem to run in dashes of particular source material. It has to do with how I queue up reading material. I’ve some interesting hacks that I hope one day to share with the world. I hope.

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Your life’s work

Published December 28, 2018 · All posts on Dec 28

I had a wonderful day, thanks in no small part to hearing George Harrison’s “Here Comes the Sun” on the radio while I ate breakfast. I walked into town relishing the sunshine, and enjoyed every minute of today. George moved his last block in 2001.

~ David Cain from, This is Your Life’s Work

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This seemed at first a cold way to think of one’s life: The sum total of the changes wrought in reality. On the other hand, there’s a huge amount of strutting and fretting and worrying and machinations and gyrations and chaos in my internal world. I’m sure it will be a good thing if that all evaporated from the world.

On second thought, how great would it be if I could get all that stuff to evaporate before I’m gone.

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No phones allowed

Published December 27, 2018 · All posts on Dec 27

The no-phones policy illuminated something about smartphone use that’s hard to see when it’s so ubiquitous: our phones drain the life out of a room. They give everyone a push-button way to completely disengage their mind from their surroundings, while their body remains in the room, only minimally aware of itself. Essentially, we all have a risk-free ripcord we can pull at the first pang of boredom or desire for novelty, and of course those pangs occur constantly.

~ David Cain from, The Simple Joy of “No Phones Allowed”

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It has always seemed obvious to me that being focused on a screen, at the expense of the other person, was obviously bad. This used to bother me.

Now, when it happens I check my premises: Am I, right this instant, actually more interesting than the entire world in their hands?

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Dylan Johanson | Salsa for Fluidity

Published December 26, 2018 · All posts on Dec 26

On Castbox.fm — Dylan Johanson | Salsa for Fluidity

What are the transferable skills between salsa dancing and Parkour, and how can they enhance physical training and movement?

Highlighting how musicality and timing contribute to better control and creativity in physical movement.

I challenge you to go and ask somebody to dance.

~ Dylan Johanson (7:20)

The conversation focuses on the intersection between salsa dancing and Parkour, exploring how skills developed in dance, such as fluidity, decisiveness, and responsiveness, translate to movement training. By engaging in salsa, practitioners improve their ability to make quick decisions and adapt to unpredictable situations, mirroring the dynamic challenges faced during Parkour. The discussion emphasizes how leading in salsa fosters decision-making, while following sharpens sensitivity to physical cues—both of which align closely with attributes beneficial to Parkour.

The dialogue gets into the personal journey of discovering this crossover and the unexpected ways in which dance has influenced balance, recovery, and flow in Parkour. Additionally, the session touches on how participants resonated with the material, recognizing the value of timing, spacing, and musicality in movement practice. The session ends with practical suggestions for incorporating salsa into daily routines to enhance Parkour skills, encouraging participants to engage in social dance events to further develop their abilities.

Takeaways

Salsa and Parkour crossover — There are transferable skills between salsa dancing and Parkour, particularly in fluidity, decisiveness, and responsiveness.

Lead-follow dynamics — Leading in salsa sharpens decision-making, while following develops sensitivity to movement cues, both of which are beneficial in Parkour.

Balance and recovery — Practicing salsa helps improve balance and the ability to recover from compromised positions, aiding in obstacle navigation.

Pacing and timing — Musicality and pacing in dance relate to the timing required in Parkour routes, contributing to smoother and more controlled movement.

Group movement awareness — Salsa highlights the importance of timing and spacing in collaborative movements, mirroring the coordination needed for group Parkour sessions.

Practical exercises — Practicing basic salsa steps or attending social dances can reinforce foundational movement skills applicable to Parkour training.

Resources

Innate Movement Parkour

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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Insecurity

Published December 25, 2018 · All posts on Dec 25

This entry is part 68 of 72 in the series My Journey

The problem comes from how we deal with the feeling of insecurity. We might curl up and hide, lash out at someone in a hurtful way, harden our rigid views of the world so that everyone else is wrong and we’re continually angry. We might procrastinate and run to distraction, use social media to avoid feeling insecurity, try to control others or the world around us to end the feeling of insecurity.

~ Leo Babauta from, The Guide to Insecurities You’ve Been Waiting For

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I have been lucky—repeatedly over the course of several years—to have had Leo Babauta’s writing available to me. One theme that he repeats is the idea of being kind to one’s self.

The insecurity that I’m not good enough, in my own judgement, is deeply held. I regularly and often flee to easy comforts; it’s been many things over the years, but in the most recent years, it is food.

Not often enough, but sometimes, I find a way to practice being kind to myself. One that works well is: “Spend 30 minutes balancing on a rail. If you fall, simply get back on. Take your time. Be kind to yourself.” Each time I do this I know I will reach a barter-stage where I’m ready to be done. Each time I do this I know I will fall off often—it’s hard for me to even leave out the word “too,” from the phrase, “fall off too often.” Each time I do this it makes me sweat from the physical effort not from, (for example,) the fear. I do fear that some day this exercise will no longer work for me.

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