For me, all these complex valences reach their peak in one song. And you know which one I’m talking about.

Ted Gioia, from “My Way” or the Highway?

There was a time—20 years ago, I’d say—when I sang along. It was of course aspirational— or— I’m looking for a word; not quite “‘”aspirational.” I was singing along as if the song in any way represents my actual story. In reality, I’m only acting as if I’d actually tried to do even a few of the things expressed, let alone actually accomplished all the things expressed. Is that posturing? …playacting? …attempting to borrow someone’s bravado?

I’m going to go with: self-deception.

There was a time, not too long ago, when I sang along in self-deception. Now the song reminds me that I’ve never actually even tried to do anything… let alone accomplished anything worth singing about.

ɕ