Craig Constantine

On depression and meditation

David Lynch has a variety of notions about what it takes to make art, but suffering is not among them. “This is part of the myth, I think […] the more you suffer, the less you want to create. If you’re truly depressed, they say, you can’t even get out of bed, let alone create.”
~ Colin Marshall, from David Lynch Explains Why Depression Is the Enemy of Creativity–and Why Meditation Is the Solution

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The cure for depression? My experience is that the only thing that works to avoid depression, in the long run, is meditation.

Voice of sadness

June 5

It’s blinding when I see something put clearly and realize just how stuck I’ve been on my own imperfect understanding. Here, have 6 what-ifs.

What if, to the contrary, positive thinking represents a biased grasp of reality? What if, when I was depressed, I learned something valuable, that I wouldn’t be able to learn at a lower cost? What if it was a collapse of illusions – the collapse of unrealistic thinking – and the glimpse of a reality that actually caused my anxiety? What if, when depressed, we actually perceive reality more accurately? What if both my need to be happy and the demand of psychotherapy to heal depression are based on the same illusion? What if the so-called gold standard of therapy is just a comforting pseudoscience itself?
~ Julie Reshe from, https://aeon.co/essays/the-voice-of-sadness-is-censored-as-sick-what-if-its-sane

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All of those sentences are just couched as what-ifs to entice people to read them and consider. My opinion? Just delete all the “What if” parts and capitalize the new first letter of each of those statements. Go ahead, reread them as statements instead of questions. What if, indeed.

Named your fear must be

September 9, 2022

Sometimes, our heads won’t stop thinking about something. Our thoughts will spin around and around, not willing to let go, obsessing. It might be about another person, a big event coming up, or about ourselves. It might be overthinking a decision, big or small.
~ Leo Babauta from, https://zenhabits.net/obsess/

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I read this the other day after its being queued for ages. It was eerily apropos of a really bad mood that I was in. Except I read it just after I had deployed Babauta’s “face the fear” strategy that he describes. It definitely works. And for some reason, Yoda’s admonishment that, “named your fear must be, before banish it you can,” sprung to mind.

Guilt loops

July 26, 2022

Guilt is the emotion that you feel when you believe you have failed to live up to your own moral standards. It is perhaps the most enervating emotion. It makes you want to curl up in a little ball to block it out and avoid it.
~ Jean Moroney from, https://www.thinkingdirections.com/dealing-with-earned-guilt-loops/

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This raises an interesting question for me. There’s a lot I’ve considered in how I think when I’m depressed. (I mean, thinking when I’m not depressed, about how I think when I am depressed.) There are a lot of valuable ideas and actionable things in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. For all my efforts though (including professional therapy), I’ve never thought that guilt might be a source. I’ve surely considered it in passing. That phrase up there, “your own moral standards,” however slaps hard. Because I have insanely (using that word in the literal sense), high moral standards for myself. Seems to be that notching down to extremely high moral standards, and paying close attention to adding a modifier, “aspirational,” might be a wise maneuver.

I am aware

July 27, 2019

This makes an argument for two particular life skills:
1) Learning to notice the feeling of wanting something, without buying the mind’s story that it is necessary for happiness, and
2) Learning to pay attention to the present moment without habitually evaluating it — analyzing how it could be better, more secure, cleaner or fairer or otherwise more gratifying.
~ David Cain, from http://www.raptitude.com/2014/05/the-missing-ingredient-to-happiness/

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I’ve spent so much time—all of my life so far in fact—trying to figuring it out, that it’s probably impossible to believe myself when I think I have something figured out.

The present moment is perfect, and I am blissfully aware of the present moment. I could write a full page right here and now detailing the last moment. And in the past, I’ve done exactly that in my journal as a pop quiz to verify that I “get this.”

Meanwhile my problems remain, and they are quite real. I’ll not share details because this blog is about me and my journey, not the others in my life. Suffice it to say that I am simply serving out my remaining days. They’re very nice days, to be sure, full of very nice moments which I enjoy. But those enjoyed days and moments aren’t related to making progress on the problems because they are orthogonal ideas.