Depth versus aliveness

June 20

Depth versus aliveness (preview)

What defines a deep conversation, and how can one recognize or evaluate its depth?

Is the depth of a conversation defined by content or the experience?

I feel like it only can be deep if it if it was deep for both of us. Like can you have a conversation— I guess anything’s possible. [But,] does it seem realistic to have a conversation where one person thought it was deep? Because I’m saying to myself, yeah, obviously it’s possible. But what happens if both people thought it was deep versus [only] one person thought it was deep?

~ Craig Constantine (4:18)

Craig Constantine and Jesse Danger explore the nature of deep conversations, focusing on the distinction between superficial and meaningful exchanges. Jesse begins by considering what makes a conversation real, emphasizing the unique contributions of each participant and the specific moment. Craig reflects on the term “deep” and questions whether it might sometimes be the wrong word, as some people avoid deep conversations due to discomfort. They both ponder if a deep conversation is characterized by newness or if it can occur without discussing novel topics.

I share experiences with people, I think that people are having the same experience as me. And I’ve come to realize that that’s not the case, I think I can have a deep and profound moment that doesn’t strike the other person as poignantly. I do an exercise with myself, and I’ve done it with my wife, where we write down the moments that struck us most deeply. There are different moments. And you remember, like, oh, yeah, I was there, it’s there. It didn’t strike me. But now, I’m starting to understand that that was really an important moment for you.

~ Jesse Danger (7:02)

They discuss the concept of depth as an emergent feature of a conversation, suggesting that depth arises from a shared experience rather than just content. Craig wonders if a conversation can be considered deep if only one participant feels it is, while Jesse shares his experience of recognizing that people often have different perceptions of the same moment.

They also touch on the idea that profound moments can occur upon revisiting familiar topics, and that the willingness to be known is essential for achieving depth in a conversation. The discussion highlights the importance of co-creation, presence, and the conditions that foster profound exchanges.

Takeaways

The nature of deep conversations — discussed as moving past superficiality and involving unique contributions from each participant.

The difference between superficial and real — explored in terms of what is uniquely shared in a meaningful conversation.

Discomfort in deep conversations — mentioned as a reason some people avoid such exchanges, differentiating between depth and inappropriateness.

Depth as an emergent feature — suggested that depth arises from shared experience rather than merely the content of the conversation.

Newness versus familiarity — debated whether a deep conversation always involves new topics or can occur with familiar subjects.

Shared profundity — questioned whether a conversation can be deep if only one participant perceives it as such.

Different perceptions of the same moment — highlighted through personal experiences, recognizing that not everyone experiences depth in the same way.

Revisiting familiar topics — noted that profound moments can still occur upon revisiting familiar conversations or books.

Willingness to be known — identified as essential for achieving depth in a conversation, implying vulnerability and openness.

Co-creation in conversations — emphasized as an important aspect of achieving depth, with both participants contributing meaningfully.

Presence and awareness — discussed as crucial for recognizing and experiencing the depth of a conversation in the moment.

Conditions for profundity — suggested that certain conditions must be present for a deep conversation to occur, such as openness and receptivity.

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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Move at the speed of trust

June 20

One of the principles I come back to over and over is adrienne maree brown’s invitation to move at the speed of trust. That is, whenever attempting any effort with other people, prioritize building trust and respect for each other over and above any other goal. The trust forms the foundation from which the work can grow.

~ Mandy Brown from, Move at the speed of trust | A Working Library

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I bump against this in podcasting often: How do I get to the “good” part of this conversation as quickly as possible? And I sometimes focus on the “quickly” part, when in reality the best way is to focus on the trust part. The “good” part of the conversation just falls out after that.

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Focus is key

June 19

How can we know if an idea is a good one? This time on Out on the Wire, we investigate how to refine story ideas using the focus sentence and the X/Y story formula. Plus, Ira Glass recounts a reporting trip gone sideways and Jay Allison’s takedown of formulaic storytelling.

~ Jessica Abel from, Episode 2: Focus – Jessica Abel

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Episode 2 of Jessica Abel’s Out on the Wire podcast continues to be really good.

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Craig Constantine: Parkour evangelist

June 18

My good friend Mark Hochgesang recently invited me to be on his Heavy Hitter Sports. I have heavy imposter syndrome when it comes to talking about movement. None the less, here’s the episode…

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https://www.heavyhittersports.com/craig-constantine-parkour-evangelist

Craig Constantine, the host of the Movers Mindset podcast, shares the wonders of parkour with host Mark Hochgesang. Craig highlights the physical & mental challenges & rewards of this one-of-a-kind sport birthed from the Paris suburbs. Parkour newcomers & veterans alike will be entertained & enlightened by Craig’s engaging storytelling.

Craig’s Website: https://constantine.name/
Craig’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/craigconstantine/
Craig’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/craig.constantine.page/
Movers Mindset Podcast: https://moversmindset.com/podcast/
Open+Curious Podcast: https://openandcurious.org/
Podtalk Podcast: https://podtalk.show/about/

Julie Angel’s Movement of Three Film: https://julieangel.com/filmmaker/

Listeners, please subscribe to Heavy Hitter Sports wherever you listen to podcasts so that you don’t miss any future episodes. Ideally, please also rate and review the show. And share this episode with a coworker, friend or family member who it might benefit.

Feel free to reach out if you have suggestions re future episode guests or topics. Mark’s contact info is noted below. Many thanks.

mphochgesang@gmail.com
971-985-6909

Vernor Vinge

June 18

But what really made Vinge the father of the Singularity was his fiction. His 1981 novella “True Names” created many of the tropes about artificial intelligence and virtual worlds that have now become standard. It’s such a tour de force that top computer scientists felt compelled to write a series of essays exploring its ideas, and it’s often considered the founding work of the entire cyberpunk genre.

~ Noah Smith from, Go read some Vernor Vinge – by Noah Smith – Noahpinion

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Note to self: Go read some Vernor Vinge.

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How do you finish with it?

June 17

Was the project worthy of us? Was it ours alone, in the sense that we were writing from our own gift … and in the face of our own fears? Did we live up to the goddess’s expectations of us? Did we live up to our own? Did we give it all we had?

There are no spotlights in the writer’s life. There’s no moment of acclamation as we tap in a putt on the 72nd green. Our moment is private. When I wrap a book, a lot of times I won’t even tell anybody.

This is self-evaluation. Self-reinforcement. Self-validation.

~ Steven Pressfield from, Writing Wednesdays: Finishing

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As usual, Pressfield is talking about writing and writers. But it made me think about how I finish with an episode…

It occurs to me that the very last things I do, are social media posts, and usual a final “hey thanks, it’s published” to the guest. I’m left [after reading pressfield’s post] wondering if I could re-imagine being done to be something I enjoy… some way to put a positive “done!” on the end.

What might that be? …maybe I print a copy of the episode notes and put it on a pile, or in a binder. …or some other way to create a visible “there’s the stuff that’s done!”

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Start the clock

June 16

I sometimes talk about “moving forward” as a default mindset I have. For example, all other things being equal, go to the airport and wait in the terminal, not a home. But in the end, it all boils down to my having deeply apprehended the lesson that the first 90% of everything is vastly easier than the second 90%. So I generally tend to do-now, rather than wait.

It struck me that this has become a kind of dividing line between success and failure within my team. Those who haven’t worked out haven’t been able to start the clock or return the ball very quickly. It’s not just my team—it’s a source of frustration that fills the letters and dispatches of just about every great general, admiral, and leader throughout history.

~ Ryan Holiday from, You Can’t Succeed In Life Without This Skill – RyanHoliday.net

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Unfortunately, in my case, do-now can become a millstone upon which one can be ground to oblivion.

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Why do we keep talking?

June 15

Why do we keep talking? (preview)

Why do we keep talking, and when should we stop?

Join Craig and Jesse as they challenge the urge to keep talking and explore the value of silence.

I find that when I can’t shut up, it’s usually because […] I’m trying to provide more and more and more and more and more and more context. […] it’s really a lot about hiding— So I find when I can’t shut up, It’s because I’m uncomfortable, or I’m afraid.

~ Craig Constantine (0:55)

Craig Constantine and Jesse Danger explore the reasons behind why people keep talking.

I also wonder how much of that is individual and how much of that is culturally emergent. Because I think about the space that conversation takes up. And I think that there is, for some people, an idea of taking turns. And for some people an idea of sounding really smart, or even just holding the control of the space. And I hear something there in the just putting yourself out there and letting it go. It’s kind of like pushing, pushing the ship out to water.

~ Jesse Danger (2:17)

They also discuss the value of listening and the impact it has on learning and understanding. Craig expresses a desire to talk less to maximize his learning opportunities. He believes that by not speaking, he can better engage with others and gain more insights.

Jesse shares his experience of being deeply fixated on Parkour and how it shaped his conversations, often limiting his understanding of others. Both highlight the importance of being aware of the urge to speak and the potential benefits of embracing silence to truly understand and connect with others.

Takeaways

Reasons for excessive talking — Fear and discomfort can lead to talking more to provide context and seek validation.

Cultural influences on conversation — Different cultural norms influence whether people take turns or dominate conversations.

Value of listening — Speaking less can create opportunities for learning and understanding others better.

Fixation on specific topics — An intense focus on a particular subject can limit the breadth of conversations and connections with others.

Awareness of speaking urges — Noticing the impulse to speak and understanding its motivations can enhance conversational quality.

Silent participation — Listening without speaking still contributes to the conversation and holds value.

Thinking out loud — Some people need to talk to organize their thoughts and clarify their thinking.

Circle process — Structured conversational methods like circle processes can help in exploring problems by listening to others’ interpretations and ideas.

Impact of engagement — Active engagement in a conversation from both parties enriches the interaction and learning experience.

Silence and understanding — Embracing silence can help in fully grasping and appreciating different perspectives in a conversation.

Resources

Circle process — A structured conversational method where participants take turns speaking and listening, allowing for deep reflection and shared understanding.

(Written with help from Chat-GPT.)

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Auto-pilot

June 14

Auto-pilot is great. Presuming of course that one understands all the things that one is handing over to be controlled by the auto-pilot. Auto-pilot as a tool for relieving us of drudgery and opportunities for mistakes? Yes, please. As a way to shirk our responsibility to lead our lives in a fulfilling way? Not so much.

The reality is, behaviour change is hard, and many people have not been taught effective goal-setting. For example, someone might know that they’re unhappy and have intentions to change, but they focus on something too broad (‘I want to be happy’) or on what they don’t want (‘I don’t want to be depressed’). An ill-defined focus can lead to trying many things without following through on any one thing.

~ Kiki Fehling from, How to stop living on auto-pilot | Psyche Guides

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I wasn’t taught effective goal-setting, but I’ve got it sorted now. I find it super-effective to not always set clear goals. Set instead, aspirations. Better yet, identify inspirations and regularly update them.

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Consciousness

June 12

Thinking about consciousness never fails to induce something like vertigo. I always have this sense of myself tipping over into some abyss. I simply, truly, have no idea at all about how consciousness works, or what my consciousness is. All the world is but a dream within a dream?

I think mindfulness’s true purpose is insight into the fundamental nature of consciousness. Mindfulness is good for producing fundamental insights into the nature of mind.

~ Sam Harris from, Sam Harris – The Talks

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That’s a wonderfully concise way to describe it.

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